Summer is winding down and I find myself tired. If I think about it (which I am now), I realize I’ve been tired most of the summer.
I’m only now letting myself understand the game of ‘Tug of War’ my heart & mind have been battling out. It’s exhausting.
A discovery of pictures from years ago shows images of my kids with rounded faces and a pureness that make my heart ache.
I look up from the pictures, up from back then to see them as they are now. And, I take them in. I notice how time took their chubby, round faces and has drawn them out to oval shapes. Their warm, grubby little bodies used to fit on my lap yesterday but now they’re towering, busy, beautiful creatures.
Is it possible to beam with pride at my “bigs” while wanting to reach back for my “littles”?
Whether it’s possible or not isn’t the question; because it’s happening.
So what do I do with it? What do you do with it?
Before, I couldn’t put words to the fact that these two are leaving for college -Senior year for Lauren and John is just beginning, Every one of us, whether we’re the one leaving or the one saying goodbye, is feeling it.
This picture of little Lauren and John did something.
It cut the rope & here I am.
Tug of War over.
Sometimes, when I can’t find the words to release the sadness, happiness, worry, fear, excitement; I borrow them.
Maybe you’re tired too? Let’s let these borrowed words sink in because our bodies are tired.
The “tension of IS”:
“And here, between the tension of the two, between what was and what will be, in the very is of now”
**Please enjoy the full liturgy here :https://rabbitroom.com/2021/01/a-liturgy-for-embracing-both-joy-sorrow-2/
What was and what will be – it’s the back and forth tugging of this that’s got me worn out. Noticing the tension doesn’t change anything (they’re still going and I want them to) but it does release some of the pressure from me and from them to just be with them in it.
The borrowed words finish with a prayer;
“let my heart be surprised by, shaped by, warmed by, remade by,
the same joy that forever wells within and radiates from your heart, O God.”
Amen.
how the light gets in 
2 thoughts on “Summer Tug of War”
Jodi
Beautifully expressed. The ache that comes with letting go is real yet I know my not so littles are exactly where they should be. I know you know that too. Take comfort in knowing so many before us have made it through all of the letting go that comes with parenting, and so will we. Sending a big hug to you!
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How the Light Gets In
I’ll take those words and that hug!!!♥️
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