how the light gets in

Author Archives: How the Light Gets In

• Trees

  Posted at 3:22 pm by How the Light Gets In, on October 23, 2019

  I know I just posted BUT BUT BUT I listened to a podcast on trees and

  1. It’s too good not to share and

  2. It jogged my heart memory to when I wrote a little blurb on trees a couple of years ago.

  So, let me first share the podcast interview with Dr. Matthew Sleeth here: http://www.anniefdowns.com/2019/10/22/episode-179-dr-matthew-sleeth/

  And here’s what I wrote back in April 2017 -when we were still praying for a diagnosis and the right treatment for Joseph who was 8 years old, with crossed eyes, a swollen brain, and no clear path…

  I ran across something on Pinterest about the story of Zacchaeus.  

  I have always loved this story.  But the perspective the “pin” offers is just awesome.

  Zacchaeus was a tax collector who took his collecting to a personal level – not cool.  Taking money from people made him the town villain. And the story points out he was very short.  So, Jesus was coming to town and Zacchaeus had to see for himself.  

  So he ran towards the crowd of haters.  Then he climbed up a tree.  And Jesus walked right to that sycamore and called him by name.  Makes me smile.  Every time.

  So, here is the pin:

  LONG BEFORE ZACCHAEUS COULDN’T SEE JESUS, THE TREE WAS ALREADY PLANTED TO MEET HIS NEED.

  Already planted… No coincidences.  Just God. 

  God doesn’t force himself on you but He really just wants to meet you, all day every day, wherever you are.  He wanted to meet Zacchaeus. And God thought “this guy’s gonna need a tree to see Jesus” so He planted a sycamore.  Zacchaeus saw the tree, climbed it and the son of God walked up to him.  I don’t know about you, but my smile just got bigger.  

  I feel like I can run towards a lot of things; as a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, human being.  As I have been in full sprint, I’ve seen the sycamore.  Sometimes I pass it. But ANY TIME I CLIMB, God is there.  

  We all need those trees.  We all need a little help to climb sometimes.  

  So let me tell you this story…

  A guy named Johnny Kelly wrote Joseph an email.  Johnny is a student at Ohio State University & on the OSU lacrosse team.  Johnny had an eye injury and suffered through Lymes.  As a result, he wasn’t able to play lacrosse.  The parallels of pain are striking and beautiful.  

  He wrote Joseph to share his story and some encouragement “it’s easy to feel angry or sad… but just know the Big Man upstairs has a plan for your life and trust that he will use it to make you a better, more caring person.”  Johnny is playing again.  In fact, OSU beat Maryland in overtime this weekend.

  God is real.  God is so good.  Through that email, Johnny put Joseph on his shoulders to see Jesus, feel hope.

  It is just ONE beautiful example of how intricately and intimately God sees us & loves us.

  Be hope-filled. 

  Climb your trees. 

  Jesus is waiting to meet you.

  Posted in OCTOBER 2019, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged #thatsoundsfunpodcast, Annie F Downs, Buckeyes, Dr Matthew Sleeth, Reforesting Faith, Sycamore, Trees, Zacchaeus

• Holy

  Posted at 2:51 pm by How the Light Gets In, on October 21, 2019

  I’m not a Biblical Scholar or a God expert. Period.

  Now that that’s clear, can we take a look at the burning bush story in Exodus? God is trying to get Moses’ attention. So, he lights a bush on fire. Wouldn’t have been my first attention-grabbing choice. And, I’m not God.

  The burning bush is not burning up; intrigued Moses moves closer. God then says,

  ‘Moses, Moses! Do not draw near this place. Take your sandals off your feet, for the place where you stand is holy ground.”

  Exodus 3:5

  Holy Ground.

  What if God is asking Moses to take off his sandals so he can stand firm and connected to the holy ground. Slide your feet out of your shoes now. Wriggle your toes a bit. Tell God thanks for where you are right this moment. This moment, wherever you are, because you invite God in – I believe (again not a theologian) but I believe you are on Holy Ground.

  Looking for Joy, Hoping for Miracles – it can be exhausting and feel small minded. I hope that doesn’t come across as offensive or sacrilegious. I’m just so convinced that God is bigger than what we imagine. God is more creative and hope-giving than we give Him credit for, and that God loves us more than we can grasp… so why not realize where you are, with whom you are speaking and take off your dang shoes.

  Holy doesn’t just happen for saints or in a church either. It doesn’t. I believe Holy happens in…

  • Random coincidences: when you bump into a friend while on a walk. And walking – WALKING – is hard for both of you today, but you are both out and both just need encouragement and are there to high five each other at just the right moment.

  • In the quiet: journaling at home with the most sacred of stained glass windows to look through (courtesy of the cutest 6 year old).

  

  • Nature: when the “burning bush” is a row of trees ablaze in yellow and you stop to take it in.

  

  • In God’s word: spending time to get to know His voice, learn His attention to detail, and appreciate His character.

  

  

  Holy, holy NO!!! a sink full of dishes is not holy. Sorry.

  A few weeks ago, I got a call-back for my mammogram. The doctor found something and wanted a second look. That’s never encouraging. So, I invited God into my freak out session so I wouldn’t drown. I went for the second mammogram. They called me back, yet again, for an ultrasound.

  Sitting in that robe, waiting for the doctors results; I said out loud, “Hey God, we’re good right? No matter what happens next. We are good.”

  And then this popped up on the computer screen:

  

  That dimly lit ultrasound room of the Cancer Institute all at once felt holy. Coincidence, crazy, Alexa… I call it God.

  I call it God seeing his Andrea being dramatic and scared and needing a clear reminder of Him in her life. Holy, holy, holy.

  I took a deep breath and exhaled calmly knowing no matter what God would be with me. I was also smiling because MAN does God get me! To experience peace knowing a huge, ancient God is alive enough and close enough to see me and answer me (literally) felt sacred and holy. (Scans came back good.)

  God starts His book with a sweet Post It note, “I am with you and will watch over you where you go.” Genesis 28:15. I have felt it.

  Smack dab in the middle of the Bible, Isaiah says, “Holy Holy Holy is the Lord.. the whole earth is full of His glory!” (6:3) I have seen it.

  Then there’s Jesus! Jesus is a living example of how to love, serve, grieve, celebrate WITH God the Father. I have read it.

  All this and I still don’t do it right. And still, God loves me and shows up in ways to make me shake my head in awe.

  Holy sounds and feels and looks rich with reverence and full of awareness. And that has everything to do with God. When you invite God in you are allowing His presence to make that moment holy. Sooooo…. what are you waiting for? What am I waiting for?

  Should we take off our shoes?

  Let’s invite God in and then look, listen, wait – let it be holy.

  Posted in OCTOBER 2019 | 1 Comment | Tagged Biblical Scholar, exodu 3:5, Genesis 28:15, holy, How the Light Gets In, Isaiah 6:3, Moses

• Arrow #1

  Posted at 8:31 am by How the Light Gets In, on September 7, 2019

  Where is that manual – The one on raising kids? Do you have one I could borrow? My baby is somehow 5’9″ and 17 years old or something. And I feel like she’s supposed to know so much more before I just let her go. This can’t be right.

  

  Lauren is a SENIOR in HIGH SCHOOL which means COLLEGE is ELEVEN MONTHS away! The all caps are meant to convey my fear/excitement/disbelief. Did you catch that?

  I have been so looking forward to this launch for her. 100%. I’ve been so confident. But my knees are buckling just a little now and my heart is being squeezed.

  It’s crunch time here. I’m scrambling for all the tips, lessons, values I feel I should have already taught my girl before she goes into the world. I’m not ready.

  Is she?

  Instead of confidence, my brain is glitching in pop-up mode flashing pictures from 2002 when it was just Lauren or 2005 when she was in the Princess stage. I can’t disable this as easily as I’d like.

  

  On top of my mental malfunction, have you heard the Michael Bublé song “Forever Now”? It is perfect and beautiful and torturous all at the same time.

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRvYu5oOXF0

  Among many lessons, parenting has taught me that holding two emotions at the same time is not only ok but maybe even necessary. In other words, it’s ok to be excited and sad at the same time about Lauren going AWAY. Maybe I can use these next few months to remind us both of that.

  

  Funnily enough, from where I’m sitting, I can see a sign I painted years ago. The kids always bug me to tell them which arrow they are but it’s my secret to hold.

  

  Psalm 127:3-5 says, "Children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth."

  Okay, okay… Scripture is doing for me what only the word of God can do; quiet the brain noise.

  I painted the the sign on purpose to remind myself that my children are arrows. Arrows aren’t meant to be kept. And I, Jason, WE are the warriors. It’s our job, as parents, to pull the arrow out, carefully aiming her in the right direction, pulling back and then letting her go.

  Well, now I’m crying. And I’m good with crying because they’re happy tears, proud tears, excited tears, and sad tears.

  I’m a wobbly warrior who cries, doesn’t always get it right, loves fiercely and dang it I am excited to see my first arrow fly.

  P.S. Lauren, if you’re reading, I’m sorry if I get crappy sometimes over these next few months. Being a mom is hard. Loving you is easy. Trust you know where to aim. Keep your eyes wide open, your heart too. Know Daddy and I are always here for you.

  

  Posted in SEPTEMBER 2019, Uncategorized | 9 Comments | Tagged College, Forever Now, How the Light Gets In, Michael Bublé, Psalm 127:3-5

• Miracles Part 2

  Posted at 6:56 pm by How the Light Gets In, on August 31, 2019

  Do you remember those clunky projectors from elementary school? The big, gray, crane-necked machines sitting squat in the center of the classroom. Mrs. Hostetler would lay a transparency sheet on the glowing machine and the lesson would begin.

  If needed, she’d add another transparency sheet on top of the first to build on the original lesson.

  

  I feel like our miracle story has another transparency sheet or two you need to know about.

  Transparency #1 (which you know from the previous post): Late August 2016, Joseph was in the hospital, sick and visiting with various specialists.

  Lay on Transparency #2: Joseph was released from the hospital on August 26th. Just a few days later, I was admitted for my surgery.

  Yes, I was in the midst of my own medical chaos.

  Yes, our medical messes were overlapping. And to be clear, it was bad.

  While Joseph was suffering with a swollen brain, crossed eyes and visiting with Infectious Disease, Neurology and Ophthalmology docs; I would be going through 5 surgeries in 10 months leaving me with 13 scars and one major complication – all at the same time.

  

  Joseph’s story had a beautiful miraculous healing – an unexplainable gift. My story continues with pain. But just because I don’t have a spontaneous recovery doesn’t mean I don’t have miracles too; they’re just different.

  The miracle of Loaves and Fishes tells us about a crowd of thousands smooshed in on a hill to be near Jesus. They didn’t want to leave his side but they were also hungry. While the (sometimes doubtful/snarky/forgetful/sounds like Andrea) Disciples suggested they send the crowd away; Jesus said you will feed them.

  Let’s add on one more Transparency sheet, shall we?

  

  Jesus says, bring it here to me… Bring me your shred of self-love, your glimmer of hope, your maybe of trust. Just bring it.

  1. Jesus looks at what they have right in that moment.

  2. He looks up to heaven and says Thank You.

  3. He Shares it.

  With just 5 loaves and 2 fish, Jesus multiplies what the disciples bring him to feed thousands (with leftovers).

  So subtle, so powerful, so Jesus – he models simple steps towards our own miracles.

  I don’t have complete healing. In fact, today I hurt. I’m sad remembering the fear and pain of going into that surgery In 2016. I didn’t want to go. I still sometimes even get mad that I went ahead with it and the one after that and the one after that.

  Right now, I’m bringing what I got.

  I lay down throbbing hurt and frustration. Here it is Jesus. I look up and say Thank You for a beautiful day, with my family, giving the beach one last go before school starts. I hit “publish” and share this story with you. Now we watch the miraculous beauty of gratitude or hope or love or all of the above multiply, together. 💗 And that is how the light gets in.

  Posted in AUGUST 2019, Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged How the Light Gets In, Matthew 14:13-21, Miracle

• Miracles

  Posted at 1:03 pm by How the Light Gets In, on August 22, 2019

  

  August 2016

  His fever was at 104 for 3 days straight. His cough had gotten worse. But when Joseph looked up at me and his eyes were crossed; we went to the ER. Joseph (then 7 years old) would stay in the hospital for a week and then leave with a tube coming out of his chest and a battle ahead. The next 365 days we spent traveling up and down Charles Street for medical appointments – Spinal taps, MRI’s, MRA, MRV, bloodwork, Ophthalmology visits… His brain was swollen, messing up his cranial nerve and crossing his eyes. His white blood cell count was through the roof. He’d lost 14 pounds, was working through brain fog and we kept going. An MRI revealed Joseph had 11 lesions on his brain. My boys brain was presented during Grand Rounds in neurology and they “couldn’t figure him out.” That’s when we switched to The Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia (CHOP).

  August 2017

  Pediatric MS or Spinal Cord Cancer. That’s what Jason and I were told. “Joseph either has Pediatric MS or a sneaky Spinal Cord Cancer. We’ve ordered a spinal tap, MRI and bloodwork to confirm and we’ll move forward from there. We’ll be in touch with the results.”

  Let’s take a breath from the story for a moment and jump to present time. The message series at Church right now is “Ordinary Everyday Miracles.”

  https://www.churchnativity.com/messages/ordinary-everyday-miracles/

  August marks the beginning of our own Miracle. And if I didn’t write about it, well, I wouldn’t be me and you wouldn’t know about it. The alignment of this series at Church plus the anniversary of our miracle is enough prompting for me to start typing.

  Week One of the series, we looked at the story of the Healing of the Paralytic (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+2%3A1-12&version=NABRE). Then in Week 2, we read the Calming of Sea (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+4%3A35-41&version=NABRE And this past week, we go to the Miracle of Loaves and Fishes (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+14%3A13-21&version=NABRE

  Okay, here’s the overview Father White gave us and I love it. Looking at these 3 miracles, we see a progression for the Apostles (Jesus’ closest friends). At first, they get to witness a miracle. Then, in the Calming of the Sea, they are in the midst of the miracle. Next, the Apostles get to participate in the miracle of feeding thousands of people off 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.

  Hearing all the different ways the Apostles had access to MIRACLES that happened right in front of them, for them, by them was beautiful because Jesus is offering so many ways to see him.

  Reading all the different ways the Apostles reacted TO miracles with Jesus RIGHT NEXT TO THEM gives me hope. Matthew 14 verse 15 says they were irritated, verse 26 says they were terrified and didn’t recognize. In Luke 8 verse 24, they were freaking out, forgetting Jesus was with them. In Luke 9 verse 13, the Apostles were straight up sarcastic.

  I don’t know where you stand with God or miracles. But, the fact that the Apostles fear and sarcasm and forgetfulness is written in the Bible reads like gracious encouragement from a big God. Doesn’t it? It’s as if God is saying, “Look, these ding dongs were right next to my Son and still didn’t get it. And they still freaked out. It’s ok. You will too. And, I love you.”

  

  Our Miracle

  Back to the story of our miracle… Terrified? Sarcastic? Freaking out? All of it. We were promised test results and an action plan in 2 days. But instead of 48 hours, we waited 2 weeks.

  The doctor called to say, “Mrs. Smithberger, I apologize for the delay but we just had to make sure. There’s no medical explanation for this but Joseph doesn’t have anything. The 11 lesions, gone. His white blood cell count, normal. The swelling on his brain, gone. Even the marker for Lymes, gone. I had to go to hematology, oncology, ophthalmology, neurology to verify. There is no medical explanation for this.”

  This ding dong was crying.

  There is no medical explanation for our miracle. I still poke Joseph from time to time. I don’t want to forget.

  

  The gift of being in and going through something hard can be that you develop a new way to see things. Looking back and writing, for me, keeps my eyes open as I move forward.

  Don’t miss your miracles.

  You’re a ding dong too and God will stop at nothing to get your attention. And if you get freaked out, scared, doubtful – keep looking. You might be witnessing, in the midst of or participating in a miracle of your own. Look back, look ahead – God is there.

  Posted in AUGUST 2019, Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged Church of the Nativity, How the Light Gets In, Jenna Mace Photography, Mark 2:1-12, Mark 4:35-41, Matthew 14:13-21, Miracle

• The “R” Cycle

  Posted at 8:53 pm by How the Light Gets In, on August 1, 2019

  I’m writing this while on vacation. That being said, you might assume The “R” Cycle refers to things like rest, recharge, relax. Ummmmm no.

  My saint of a husband just drove off with all 5 of our children to an ARCADE. Bless that beautiful man.

  So, here I am alone. And, I’m realizing I need a vacation from this vacation. I don’t like them right now. I birthed those children and I don’t like them. I love them but I do not like them.

  There is just a whole lot of quality time happening around here. We keep bumping into each other. And, they keep finding me (because maybe I’ve taken to hiding) to tell me how someone is breathing on them, chewing too loudly or pushing them.

  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stretched my hands out, shoulders shrugged up to my ears, “But look,” I say, “We’re at the beach. Everyone is happy at the beach.”

  “There are so many of you!” I keep insisting like maybe it will click one of these times…”You have built in friends!”

  The beach IS my happy place though. And these people WILL make happy memories together. So, I’m going to lean hard onto The “R” Cycle to get us through.

  • Rupture
  • Repair
  • Repeat

  The first “R” is for Rupture: to breach or disturb a harmonious feeling or sensation.

  Okay, it’s much too luxurious a word for the crap show that a rupture feels like but this is called alliteration. So we’re going with it.

  Every family, every human relationship hits a “rupture” point. Fair? Some may even hit a few disturbances a day. Normal. The shift between seasons, especially into summer, can be challenging. I just wasn’t expecting the multitude of disturbances in a place as harmonious as the flipping beach. Grrrrrrrrrrrupture.

  The second “R” refers to Repair. How am I going to repair the rupture: Listening to the issue without tapping my foot in irritation? Starting my peace treaty proposal minus the eye roll? These are good starts.

  Here’s the golden nugget…

  It’s not about the Rupture, it’s all about how you Repair.

  I can’t take credit for that bit of wisdom. My therapist says it to me a lot.

  The repair is the care, the tone, the time I can take to fix the fight. It’s the words minus the sarcasm and loaded with grace I can choose to tie the loose ends.

  I’m beyond the “you only have so many summers before they’re gone” sap. But I am fully aware that I have them here now. I am fully aware that we are going to rupture and dang it I am determined to repair well.

  And, as if on cue… Jason just walked in with the crew singing “Reunited and it feels so good.”

  Off to work on my R’s with my peeps.

  I do love them. Thanks for listening.💗

  

  Posted in AUGUST 2019 | 2 Comments | Tagged How the Light Gets In, Rupture

• What If…

  Posted at 4:03 pm by How the Light Gets In, on July 14, 2019

  The story is not new. Maybe you’ve heard it already… the one about Mr. Yates? It was new to me but it has stuck with me ever since I first heard it.

  As the story goes, Mr. Yates was an unsuccessful farmer during the Great Depression. He owned a good chunk of land in Texas but no matter what he tried or how hard he tried; Mr. Yates could not produce anything from the farm. On top of that, the bank was threatening him with foreclosure. But then, a man came knocking at the door. He told Yates he worked in the oil business and offered him a partnership to drill for oil on Yates’ land. Crops were dying, debt was growing so Mr. Yates said “yes” to the deal.

  Right away, the oil company began to drill. And, they hit a gusher – an unbelievable 82,000 barrels in one day!

  Think about Mr. Yates working on that land, trying soils, fertilizers, watering patterns, different tools; trying everything to do life right. He had to have been tired, frustrated, desperate, sad. And all the while, thousands of gallons of oil were bubbling just underneath the surface.

  Okay, stay with me now.

  WHAT IF – You are Mr. Yates. I am Mr. Yates. We are all Mr. Yates.

  That means the person asleep next to you, the person begging on the street corner, checking out your groceries, managing your financial portfolio, snubbing you, checking in on you, competing with you, trying to get in the country, fighting for his life in Sudan, marching in Pride parades, your baby, people of every color, affiliation… we are ALL Mr. Yates.

  WHAT IF – The land is your life; including your family, job, hobbies and habits.

  WHAT IF – That oil and its wealth, the subsequent freedom because of that wealth, is God in you.

  And

  Knock, knock, knock

  WHAT IF– The oil man at the door is Jesus.

  Clear away all the metaphors and we’re left with this; God is in you, God sees you and wants to live, work, struggle, win with you to bring you a wealth of freedom, peace and confidence.

  The truth behind this story breathes with urgency as the climate of our world breeds isolation.

  We are all bound together by Divine DNA. And so, Humble healer, Story-teller, Defender, Rescuer Jesus is knocking with this offer for us all: “As the Father has loved me, I love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commands you will remain in my love just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is my command: Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 15:9-12)

  A scripture verse like that isn’t true for me just because I was baptized in a Catholic Church. You read them. The words are true for you. You just have to accept them 🙂

  WHAT IF – Mr Yates had said no? Oh my gosh right? His life was changed with one yes. If he had said no; he would have lost his farm and been left homeless to starve. The world is full of starving, struggling Mr. Yates’.

  The words are true for you. You just have to accept them.

  Also, just because I go to church or profess a faith doesn’t mean I’m not pulling a Mr. Yates. I know I can turn to worry and emotional eating and panic when things get hard; working the “fields” with my bad habits. And Jesus still comes knocking.

  The story is sticky. I hope it sticks with you too. Because

  WHAT IF – everyone you see is Mr Yates.

  WHAT IF – the words are true.

  WHAT IF – you say yes.

  Posted in JULY 2019 | 1 Comment | Tagged How the Light Gets In, Jesus, John 15:9-12, Mr Yates

• Dear Class of 2023,

  Posted at 11:22 am by How the Light Gets In, on May 29, 2019

  Back up just a few years to when you first got invited to this thing called Wyld Life. Why did you say yes? Maybe because you have an older brother or sister who did it so you did it too. Maybe you said yes because “why not?”

  I’m glad you did. You know I’m crying already, right? I just love you all.

  Wyld Life has been especially awesome for ME because of YOU. These past few years, you brought it. You heard the invitation to something different and you accepted 100%.

  I feel so honored to know you and to have been a part of your life during your middle school journey.

  You are a spectacular group of humans.

  This Class of ’23 is extraordinary – you are good and smart and strong and loving and aware. You listen, you ask good questions and you don’t settle. Also, you bring me Oreos.

  But I hope you know that you are invited to a bigger story not just because of the good stuff in you. You are also invited because you are scared and weird and shy and superficial and disorganized. God wants all of it! Keep being you.

  I pray Wyld Life is not the end of your walk with Jesus. You are invited to more because you are made for more. And you have heard about Jesus and experienced enough of Jesus to know there is MORE.

  In a world where instagram and snap chat and a gazillion other voices are fighting for your attention; imagine Ms Andrea standing on a podium with a megaphone. Mr Brent and Mr Wes are jumping up and down waving their arms in the air and Ms Nicka and Ms Jenna are clapping to get your attention… got it?

  Let this moment be LOUDER. 

  Remember it. 

  Own it. 

  God has been jumping up and down in the funnest ways to get your attention. And I know you noticed. Keep your eyes open.

  

  As you start High School next year, don’t let anyone look down on you because you’re a Freshman; keep setting an example for all you know to be true.

  You are loved beyond measure. The plans God has for you are better than you can imagine.

  I pray God strengthens you so Jesus can live in your hearts through faith. I pray that you, rooted and established in love, can have power with alllll God’s people to really get how wide and long and high and deep is Christ’s love for you.
  

  love you.

  Posted in MAY 2019 | 0 Comments | Tagged Class of 2023, How the Light Gets In, Jesus, Wyld life

• except You.

  Posted at 12:01 pm by How the Light Gets In, on May 10, 2019

  Grounding, Bare Minimums, Inhaling, Exhaling, PTSD… yes to all of it. I am learning it, loving it. But living it, living the practice is hard.

  All of the above were put to the test in an unexpected visit to a place I haven’t seen since Joseph was sick.

  Concrete Feet. Concrete Heart.

  Sitting down for some quiet this morning, I realized how much every inch of me was craving the stillness.

  Want to unwrap my present with me?

  From ancient times,

  NO ONE HAS HEARD

  NO ONE HAS LISTENED TO

  NO EYE HAS SEEN ANY GOD

  EXCEPT YOU

  WHO ACTS on behalf of

  the one

  who waits for

  YOU.

  ISAIAH 64:4

  No one wants to wait; for healing, for the one, for an answer. And so, not by choice, I’ve been in places of waiting. Waiting on God is different. Look at what inviting God into the wait does. “God acts on behalf of the one who waits.”

  While waiting, I was always writing.

  

  Here’s my proof. My journals filled with scribbled angry questions, careful cursive words of thanks and uppercase WOW moments.

  I have waited. I have seen. I have heard. And I still forget.

  What are you waiting for? Wait with God, wait on God. He’s acting on your behalf.

  From ancient times no one has heard, no one has listened to, no eye has seen any God except you who acts on behalf of the one who waits for Him. And so I wait, God, because I know. And when I forget, thank you for these friends who will remind me.

  Posted in MAY 2019 | 0 Comments | Tagged How the Light Gets In, Isaiah 64:4, journals, waiting

• Wheelbarrows

  Posted at 2:24 pm by How the Light Gets In, on April 19, 2019

  Joseph was about 4 when he asked for a garden. We don’t have too big a yard but we did find a 2×3 spot just right for him. Pop Pop fenced it in. Joseph colored a rock and labeled it in his best chicken-scratch handwriting, “Joseph.” (I was secretly hoping he would have written “Jofess” as that’s how he introduced himself back then.)

  Pop Pop and Grammie bought him a red wheelbarrow that year for his birthday. His best friend gave him gloves and seeds and Jofess got to work. I can see him so clearly in my minds eye. The path to the garden was right across the front lawn. It dips just enough to give him momentum before a full stop in front of the garden.

  After a while, there was a clear path worn out from all the back and forth and back and forth to the same stop.

  As you can imagine, when Jamie, my counselor, referenced the “wheelbarrow” visual as a decision making model; I was all in. As she explained it to me, our brains have lots of well worn paths in them. If you were to sit and think about how you make a decision about work, weight, relationships, etc; you approach these things much the same way every time. Can you almost feel the paths? Now if that’s true, it’s safe to assume your outcome is the same every time.

  Did you just squirm a little? It’s ok. Me too.

  Let’s use me and my wheelbarrow as an example. Ok, so let’s say I’m about to have an uncomfortable conversation with my mom. I do not like confrontation and try to veer that wheelbarrow far off any bumpy path. If it’s inevitable, I will load up my wheelbarrow with deep breaths, maybe even some handwritten notes to guide my words and reminders that we both want what’s best. Then I’ll steer that wheelbarrow to the phone; 9 times out 10, I’ll keep going riiiiight past it to avoid the discomfort. Yep. I am immature but at least I’m aware. Right? There’s power in that realization. There’s humility in that realization. So, HOW WILL THINGS GET BETTER?
  

  What are you trying to change? Maybe you’re mindlessly going down the same path with different stuff loaded in that wheelbarrow every time but the path is worn, comfortable and leads to the same disappointment. Same kind of boyfriend. Same dosage. Same weight.

  Sheesh, what if that were the end of the story… it isn’t.

  There’s something brewing in my soul. It’s way down deep too. Maybe it’s just me getting caught up in the new-ness of everything. Spring has taken over my morning view. The renewing, the growing, the “ing” feels like a fever and I want it.

  There’s more to it than just the colorful landscape and the cute wheelbarrow.

  It’s the promise. There’s more. Can you feel it?

  In my faith, my savior’s story, this weekend, today, Jesus will die. “For God so loved the world, he sent his only begotten son.” For God so loved me, he sent Jesus. Jesus came to the world to die but there’s more. Jesus died and then rose from the dead.

  Did you just squirm a little more? yeah, me too.

  Jesus came to earth and walked the same earth we walk. Jesus saw, witnessed the well-worn paths we fall into and he willingly plowed through your mess and mine to offer a new end.

  God made me for a purpose. Jesus died for me and busted open the gates of heaven for me. The Holy Spirit is in and around me to carry me through.

  How can I go wrong? Well, there’s the issue of me, tripping me up. But- God, Jesus and Holy Spirit – that is quite a team right? Plus I have you! (You can re-read this paragraph out loud and the same is true for you.)

  Scripture says God sings over you and knows the number of hairs on your head. In the Psalms, David reminds us that God lays His hand on us. (Psalm 139:5). In Scripture Jesus asks, “Do you want to get well? (John 5:6) “What do you want me to do for you?” (Luke 18:41) AGAIN “What do you want me to do for you?” (Mark 10:51). He just wants to hear you say it. The Holy Spirit, the Spirit God gave us “does not make us timid but gives us POWER and LOVE and SELF-DISCIPLINE.” Paul told Timothy, Dude fan that gift into flame! (2 Timothy 1:6)

  This Sunday is Easter. When we celebrate a victory, another way, a new life.

  Are you feeling it now?

  

  What if, WHAT IF we could harness that love, that relationship, that power; load it up into our wheelbarrows and try a new path. We can. You were made BY more FOR more. My heart is thumping now. Let’s grip our hands on the wheelbarrow and bravely try a new path.

  Posted in APRIL 2019 | 4 Comments | Tagged Easter, How the Light Gets In, wheelbarrow