There’s a lump in my throat this Christmas.
Not sure if I want to cry or smile. (I began listing all my reasons here but they’re mine to hold and release.) Here’s an example: the traditional Christmas “monkey bread” was on the table before the kids came down to open gifts and THAT made me mad and tear up… This woman is triggered. It’s just that I’m ALWAYS rushed to make it because they’re ALWAYS down here way too early to open gifts and I’m fighting them back. Not this year. Is that what it is? The always are always changing.
I have been trying to swallow the whatever it is stuck in my throat. But, I’m realizing Christmas is a BOTH/AND kind of season. Know what I mean?
I’m trying something different. This year, I’m not forcing the sad away by wrapping it in big bows or hushing it with loud carols or decorating it into oblivion.
Instead, I’m asking myself “why” & waiting gently for the answer…
And the answers, big and small, come in waves.
Some reasons I have control over, some I don’t. And that’s ok.
Either way, I’m here for it all and I’m grateful.
On Winter Solstice, I read a quote saying something like you can’t rush the night but you can light candles. And, I double-tapped, even shared the words.
But, at this moment, the peak of this season of Wait & Wonder; I’m reminded of how the 3 Kings didn’t rush the night after night of their journey to find Jesus.
More of the BOTH/AND here…
They followed BOTH their calculations based on ancient prophecies AND the stars in the sky to guide their way.
I guess what I’m trying to say is if you’re feeling both sad and merry; it’s ok.
There is still light to be found.
If you find yourself unable to “light the candles,” then look to the stars.
God placed them in the sky, knows them by name to call out yours.
A both powerful and tender declaration like “The Lord had His heart set on you and chose you.” from Deuteronomy 7:7 comforts my mixed bag heart.
God is a BOTH/AND kind of God. He BOTH knows the hurt on your heart AND wants to comfort you, through candles or stars (or both).
Again, there is light to be found.
If you find yourself unable to “light the candles,” then look to the stars.
Merry Christmas.
how the light gets in 