how the light gets in

A season of goodbyes. 

It feels like we have been stuck here in a season of goodbyes.

Grammie and Pop Pop moved to Florida earlier this year.

Lauren and John left for college this summer.

Our sweet Honey died at the start of Fall.

Each of these losses is so different and they’re all being felt acutely by each and everyone of us.

Conversations and tears are more and more frequent.

The more I look around and take note of my people, I can see grief has leveled us.

We’re sad there are no more “Guess Who” board game challenges or home made pizza nights or Pop Pop randomly showing up with tools and an idea. 

I’m adjusting to fewer grocery bags and smaller meal portions –  It’s weird only making enough food for 5 and not 10 (because John can eat for 3).

When I see the car Lauren and John share parked in the garage; I still catch myself expecting that it means they’re in the house.

Noticing when one of us extends our hand assuming Honey’s soft golden fur will meet our fingers and the sadness that comes from that emptiness… it stings.

I am thinking we’ve all felt the feelings and named the hurts and understand the losses well.

I’m not afraid of grief. But it hasn’t necessarily been comfortable either. 

I’m feeling like it’s time for grief to move on.

In honor of our grief – I’ve been wanting to offer something to myself and my family of a way to move through it, from it; slowly and carefully.

Do you remember when we did the challenge in November of 2020 to look for all the ways the light gets in, day by day?

Starting today November 2023; I’m challenging myself and my people to get in the path of oncoming BEAUTY.

I’ve been following along with Curt Thompson on his podcast, Being Known, and his most recent series on Beauty.

Their conversations highlight the meaningful and practical value of noticing when and how Beauty pursues us and giving it permission to find us.

I want Beauty to pull me close and comfort the deepest hurt in my heart. I want Beauty to to push me outside my comfort zone, inviting me to reach higher, look beyond what I’m used to looking to and find Beauty. I want Beauty to pull us together in search of it.

Will you join me?

There’s a lot of hurt in our world.

And as Thompson teaches, “trauma shatters the lens through which we see our lives;” Simply put, the hurt can make it hard to see Beauty. 

Don’t worry, I’m not trying to tell my kids to stop grieving – that’s their process. 

But I will be challenging myself for this month of November to see what, where, and how Beauty shows up.

Come with me on this treasure hunt.