how the light gets in

Fun fact about me.  I’m a quitter.  I’ll start an embroidery project or drinking water; and before too long, it’s just meh.  So, a few months back, a circle of special girls decided we would tackle “100 Days to Brave” together.  It’s a devotional written to inspire, educate and love you to courage rooted in truth.  And it was 100 days.  Like, consecutively.  Not my M.O.  However, we did it!  I did it!  100 days of scripture to push me to a Brave life.  HOORAY!

So, what would Brave look like for you?  After 100 days of hearing, YOU GOT THIS! What would you do?

I baked bread.

Those little yellow packet of “active yeast” have always intimidated the heck outta me.  Homemade pizza crusts, pie doughs, breads wigged me out because of the yeast part.  Why?  Please.  There is no logic here.  However, let me say it again; I baked bread.  And it was alright.  And I faced the dreaded yeast step again and again.  Now, I make a lovely Honey Oatmeal bread.

How is this brave?  Yeast aside, the process is slow.  Slow is not my speed.  The Honey Oatmeal Bread process requires time.  Carefully, I measure out the flour. Heating butter in a saucepan until it just melts and mixing in the honey and oats smells amazing and gives off the most wonderful smell.  Then after a few more steps, I get to put this mound of dough on the counter and knead it with my hands.  My speed, slow and deliberate, is intentional now.  Deep breaths in.  Long exhales.  There’s something magical about letting the dough rise, seeing it double in size.  And then, poof I deflate it and fold it into buttered pans to rise again.  And the SMELL that fills the house is a prize alone.

It’s not a big deal but it’s a step.  It might sound dumb but it made me proud and feel pretty good about myself.

That was the baby step. There always needs to be a first step, right?  Even if it is a loaf of bread.  My next brave move was:  I started therapy.  I stepped into an office with a professional and walked out alive.  The days after have left me feeling raw and kind of yucky feeling.  This therapy is shedding light on old wounds.  Wounds I’ve kept to myself.  Over time, those wounds have wrapped themselves in sticky lies and shame.

This is what happens when the light gets in.  Those hard things I’ve kept to myself get the light of truth and love all over them.  I deserve this though.  Right?  I mean, yes, right.

“You can’t have true courage unless you open yourself up to vulnerability.”  Thank you Brene Brown.  I am holding onto that.  I am brave because I am letting it go.

Paul wrote in his letter to the Ephesians,

“Everything exposed by the light becomes visible – and everything that is illuminated becomes light.”  – Ephesians 5:13

God has been with me through my whole journey.  I believe He has waited patiently and lovingly for this moment and He is cheering me on.  “Be strong and courageous.  Don’t be afraid; don’t be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9. That’s good stuff.

Bread + Therapy, this is how the light gets in for me these days.  Pray for me to not give up, on the bread or me.