how the light gets in

Tag: Therapy

• Unwrap a gift with me

  Posted at 10:50 am by How the Light Gets In, on March 4, 2021

  

  More than Coincidence – How The Light Gets In

  Through all of my um’s and ramblings; I hope you hear God.

  1. More than Coincidence 08:50
  2. Catch 08:47
  3. Now What? 05:44
  4. Don't Look Away 09:58
  5. Chasing 07:43

  Time and Distance lovingly offered me a present. It feels too special and beautiful and too big for just me. So, would you unwrap it with me?

  There were more than a thousand days in 2016 through 2019. Looking back through journals, it feels as if each one of them was blotched with dark, angry pain. Plus, I was bitter. There was a lot of shame and hurt on one very specific area of my body; spanning my hips, left to right, from my waist to my knees. And that very specific area was exactly where every doctor and nurse and specialist wanted to put their focus. It felt cruel that an area of my body that I wanted to avoid, that I had spent my life avoiding, was now the exact place I would be scanned, injected, cut through and pondered over. It’s as if the universe was taking my face in it’s hands and directing it at my pelvis in what felt like a staring contest. The body always keeps score, right? That staring contest took 3 years, 5 surgeries, 13 scars, lots of meds and a bunch of metal coils in my side wall (which is part of the pelvis). My body was up by 1.

  I was seeing three specialists during this time; Dr. Steven Adashek (surgeon) and Dr. Sam DuFlo (Physiotherapist) and Jamie (Therapist). At the time, I couldn’t see it. But looking back now, I see how each of these spectacular humans was vital to my healing. Dr. Adashek offered me the anatomical explanation and cutting through things like my nerve entrapment and scar tissue. Dr. Sam DuFlo gently pushed and pressed on my stomach stretching the physiological and metaphorical anger inside, teaching me the gifts of stretching and breathing to care for my body. Jamie listens and coaches my heart towards the courage it needs to go places I didn’t want to go before. They were and still are my “Dream Team.”

  Looking back, with just enough distance I can see God was doing a thing. He was setting the stage for healing.

  While the process was in motion, I was hoping He was going to take the pain away.

  But this is God we’re talking about.

  God was working with me through Dr. Adashek, Dr. Sam and Jamie to do more than just take the pain away. God was working to restore, redeem and repair. Have you heard the phrase “abundantly more”? THIS is how God operates, in an EXTRA sort of way.

  What are you battling, hiding, avoiding, white-knuckling? Can you step out of it just for a moment? Can you hit pause and breathe? Will you allow Time and Distance to present you with their gifts? If you journal, take some time to flip back and take note of the people and situations and “coincidences” along the way. If you have a billion photos, take some time to scroll through the past year and see what memories stop you.

  I may not be on anyone’s dream team but whether you like it or not, I’m your cheerleader. I’ve got a megaphone and a big story and loud voice to tell you this: God has assembled a Dream Team for you. God is working on the details to teach you, equip you and encourage you to full healing beyond what you’re hoping for. I don’t know what it looks like, who’s involved or when it will happen but

  GOD

  IS

  WORKING

  FOR

  YOU.

  Keep your eyes open, ears alert, heart ready.

  GOD

  IS

  WORKING

  FOR

  YOU.

  Posted in March 2021, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged Brene Brown, God, healing, How the Light Gets In, Indigo Physio, Miracle, Pain, surgery, Therapy

• Eye Exercises

  Posted at 3:08 pm by How the Light Gets In, on March 5, 2020

  I’ve become a real big girl in these past few years. I mean, I am 44 years old. So, in theory, I really should behave like a strong, determined, positive, aware adult but that hasn’t been the case.

  Are you all grown up and settled into your best life? Yeah, I didn’t think so. In my 44 years of well-earned wisdom, I’m here to tell you:

  1. You are ok

  2. Keep Going

  3. There’s so much more to learn

  My trigger for this random post was a #2 Ticonderoga. Lily put the freshly sharpened pencil in my face and asked, “Aren’t pointy pencils the best?” And just like that, my heart got all heavy and achey.

  

  Remember when Joseph was sick? If you don’t, here’s the recap: For 18 months or so, Joseph was declining before our eyes. His brain was so swollen from whatever he was fighting that his eyes went crossed and stayed there. He had 11 lesions on his brain. He’d lost 14 pounds and was losing muscle tone every day. He struggled through brain fog. The swelling also gave him hypersensitivity to just about everything. My little boy was slipping away in front of us and no one knew why and no one knew what to do.

  Among many visits to many doctors, there was one I looked forward to and that was our weekly check up with the ophthalmologist. Dr. Collins always offered a calm voice in the chaos of appointments and tests and diagnoses.

  One visit, Dr. Collins gave us homework. A daily assignment for me and Joseph.

  And I didn’t want to do it.

  Her instructions were for Joseph and I to sit across from each other, knee to knee. I was to hold up a sharpened pencil right in front of his little nose and then move the pencil slowly to the left and back to center. And repeat. And repeat until his eye got tired. Then we would do the same to the right.

  

  Try to imagine how hard it was looking at my boy back then. I would willingly sit beside him and sketch with him. I would happily make him cookies and hold him in my lap and feel him relax.

  But this homework was making me do something I was avoiding; I would have to face Joseph. I would have to look him in the literal eye and face what was scaring me. And I would have to do it again and again.

  And I did my homework. Every night, I faced Joseph and we did eye exercises. I looked right into his eyes that were confused and trying and saw a little boy much the same.

  I learned that when those tiny, spidery vessels would show up turning his eyes red; he would want to keep pushing. So, I learned to hold back my tears and push him to keep going. I fought with God in my head, “Why is this happening? What is even happening?” I learned how determined Joseph is. I learned I could face the hard stuff.

  Only God could use a daily eye exercise to train up my heart.

  What little thing could you start doing today to train your heart?

  If I can do it, you can do it. Face the hard thing – with a friend, in prayer, through therapy – Face the hard thing.

  Start small.

  Maybe screenshot this verse from 2 Timothy 1:7 and repeat it every day.

  

  Mighty. Power. Love. Self-Control.

  God made you stronger than you know.

  Remind me of this when I’m wimping out later today💗

  Posted in March 2020, Uncategorized | 2 Comments | Tagged 2 Timothy 1:7, How the Light Gets In, Jesus, Pain, PTSD, Therapy

• Bread + Therapy

  Posted at 1:36 pm by How the Light Gets In, on February 17, 2018

  Fun fact about me.  I’m a quitter.  I’ll start an embroidery project or drinking water; and before too long, it’s just meh.  So, a few months back, a circle of special girls decided we would tackle “100 Days to Brave” together.  It’s a devotional written to inspire, educate and love you to courage rooted in truth.  And it was 100 days.  Like, consecutively.  Not my M.O.  However, we did it!  I did it!  100 days of scripture to push me to a Brave life.  HOORAY!

  So, what would Brave look like for you?  After 100 days of hearing, YOU GOT THIS! What would you do?

  I baked bread.

  Those little yellow packet of “active yeast” have always intimidated the heck outta me.  Homemade pizza crusts, pie doughs, breads wigged me out because of the yeast part.  Why?  Please.  There is no logic here.  However, let me say it again; I baked bread.  And it was alright.  And I faced the dreaded yeast step again and again.  Now, I make a lovely Honey Oatmeal bread.

  

  How is this brave?  Yeast aside, the process is slow.  Slow is not my speed.  The Honey Oatmeal Bread process requires time.  Carefully, I measure out the flour. Heating butter in a saucepan until it just melts and mixing in the honey and oats smells amazing and gives off the most wonderful smell.  Then after a few more steps, I get to put this mound of dough on the counter and knead it with my hands.  My speed, slow and deliberate, is intentional now.  Deep breaths in.  Long exhales.  There’s something magical about letting the dough rise, seeing it double in size.  And then, poof I deflate it and fold it into buttered pans to rise again.  And the SMELL that fills the house is a prize alone.

  It’s not a big deal but it’s a step.  It might sound dumb but it made me proud and feel pretty good about myself.

  That was the baby step. There always needs to be a first step, right?  Even if it is a loaf of bread.  My next brave move was:  I started therapy.  I stepped into an office with a professional and walked out alive.  The days after have left me feeling raw and kind of yucky feeling.  This therapy is shedding light on old wounds.  Wounds I’ve kept to myself.  Over time, those wounds have wrapped themselves in sticky lies and shame.

  This is what happens when the light gets in.  Those hard things I’ve kept to myself get the light of truth and love all over them.  I deserve this though.  Right?  I mean, yes, right.

  “You can’t have true courage unless you open yourself up to vulnerability.”  Thank you Brene Brown.  I am holding onto that.  I am brave because I am letting it go.

  Paul wrote in his letter to the Ephesians,

  “Everything exposed by the light becomes visible – and everything that is illuminated becomes light.”  – Ephesians 5:13

  God has been with me through my whole journey.  I believe He has waited patiently and lovingly for this moment and He is cheering me on.  “Be strong and courageous.  Don’t be afraid; don’t be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9. That’s good stuff.

  Bread + Therapy, this is how the light gets in for me these days.  Pray for me to not give up, on the bread or me.

  Posted in FEBRUARY 2018 | 1 Comment | Tagged 100 Days to Brave, Annie F Downs, Baking Bread, Brene Brown, Ephesians 5:13, How the Light Gets In, Joshua 1:9, Therapy, Vulnerability