Tag: Miracle

• Healing Notes

  Posted at 12:53 pm by How the Light Gets In, on November 8, 2022

  Three years ago, I was deciding between two options: Pain or Paralysis.

  Which one would you choose?

  Option 1 meant debilitating pain, lots of meds, laying on the couch in the fetal position trying not to take too deep a breath because you don’t want to wake up the pain monster inside, and filling your calendar with one doctor/therapy/acupuncture appointment after another.

  Option 2 meant surgeons going into your abdomen to pull out 8 tiny metal coils left behind from a previous surgery. You should know this surgery had a 97% chance of paralyzing your left leg.

  So, which one would you choose?

  I didn’t go with either of those.

  Instead, 3 years ago today, I walked away from those options and walked into a room at church.

  Opening the door, I was greeted with equal parts sunlight and hope. 

  Lavish and Crazy. Three years later, I stand by those words with a whole bunch of awe and gratitude and “what the heck” mixed in.

  I experienced a miracle – a full, miraculous healing.

  It doesn’t make sense to me either. To be honest, it feels uneven in this wonky world to have been healed when I see and love so many others that I want healed.

  Still, the past 365 days of living, breathing, walking, loving, cooking, driving, celebrating, listening, crying, lighting candles, singing, watching, grieving, yelling, praying, laughing, cleaning, traveling, hiking, sleeping, waking up, hugging, writing, learning, cheering, consoling, baking have felt like a lavish and crazy, what the heck kind of gift.

  We’ve learned a lot together over the years, haven’t we? We’ve learned about waiting and trusting and hope.

  I wonder what your healing looks like. Have you brought it to Jesus yet?

  One thing I’ve learned about hope and healing this year is to live IN expectation, not with expectation.

  My own expectations with my own timetable and my limited vision have held me back.

  Living IN the promise of God, believing He works in the abundantly more kind of way pushes me out in the wild wind of hope, up on my tippy toes, searching the horizon.

  In Mark 5:34, Jesus says, “Daughter, your faith has healed you.  Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

  In Luke 7:50, He says, “Your faith has saved you.  Go in peace.”

  Then, in Luke 17:19 “Rise and go, your faith has made you well.”  

  And again, in Mark 10:52 “Go, your faith has healed you.”

  In each of these stories; Jesus has just healed someone and then told them to go and live life because their faith had healed them.  

  The back stories are all different.  The woman in the Gospel of Mark suffered from bleeding for a dozen years.  In the Gospel of Luke, a known adulteress barges into a dinner hoping for a blank slate from Jesus.  Later in Mark, we hear of a blind beggar seeking sight.  And in Luke, the group of lepers asking for healing.  

  The approach in each situation is vastly different.  The hemorrhagic woman quietly touches the edge of Jesus cloak.  The blind beggar screams out repeatedly in front of everyone.  The adulteress walks right into a house full of her biggest critics.  And the lepers, a big ol’ group of them, approach Jesus as one. 

  How would you approach Jesus for healing?  

  Why would you approach Jesus for healing?  

  Why don’t you approach Jesus for healing?  

  RUN OFF TO MEET JESUS. TELL HIM THE PROBLEM. ASK HIM WHY HE DIDN’T COME SOONER, WHY HE ALLOWED THAT AWFUL THING TO HAPPEN. AND THEN BE PREPARED FOR A SURPRISING RESPONSE. I CAN’T PREDICT WHAT THE RESPONSE WILL BE, FOR THE VERY GOOD REASON THAT IT IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS A SURPRISE. BUT I DO KNOW THE SHAPE IT WILL TAKE. JESUS WILL MEET YOUR PROBLEM WITH SOME NEW PART OF GOD’S FUTURE THAT CAN AND WILL BURST INTO YOUR PRESENT TIME, INTO THE MESS AND GRIEF, WITH GOOD NEWS, WITH HOPE, WITH NEW POSSIBILITIES. – N.T. WRIGHT

  Happy Anniversary to all of us.

  Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged Church of the Nativity, healing, HOPE, How the Light Gets In, Jesus, Miracle, NT Wright, Pain, stories

• Stacking Stones

  Posted at 12:29 pm by How the Light Gets In, on November 8, 2021

  Stacking Stones Podcast Episode

  Two years ago this very day, I walked away from surgical options and walked into a room at church. That room was flooded with equal parts sunlight and hope.

  Two years ago, at this time I was laying it all down at your feet Jesus. I walked in hoping for a miracle and walked out with so much more.

  So, do you know what we’re doing today?

  On this 2 year Anniversary of my HEALING, we are stacking stones.

  That’s right. Oh, that’s not how you celebrate? Maybe you should start. Because in my experience, in order to appreciate a gift, you have to acknowledge the pain. Stacking Stones is a practical way to do both.

  Nobody teaches this better than Joshua. So, before you head out to find some rocks. I want you to hear this story. Pay attention to the details. Remember the details.

  For some context, we are picking up after the crazy miracle of God splitting the Jordan River so the Israelites could cross on dry land. Again, huge miracle in and of itself. But let’s get to the lesson and pick up the story in Chapter 4, appropriately called:

  The Memorial Stones

  4 After the entire nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the Lord spoke to Joshua: ² “Choose twelve men from the people, one man for each tribe,³ and command them: Take twelve stones from this place in the middle of the Jordan where the priests are standing, carry them with you, and set them down at the place where you spend the night.”

  ⁴ So Joshua summoned the twelve men he had selected from the Israelites, one man for each tribe, ⁵ and said to them, “Go across to the ark of the Lord your God in the middle of the Jordan. Each of you lift a stone onto his shoulder, one for each of the Israelite tribes, ⁶ so that this will be a sign among you. SO THAT THIS WILL BE A SIGN AMONG YOU In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ ⁷ you should tell them, ‘The water of the Jordan was cut off in front of the ark of the Lord’s covenant. When it crossed the Jordan, the Jordan’s water was cut off.’ Therefore these stones will always be a memorial for the Israelites.”

  ⁸ The Israelites did just as Joshua had commanded them. The twelve men took stones from the middle of the Jordan, one for each of the Israelite tribes, just as the Lord had told Joshua. They carried them to the camp and set them down there. ⁹ Joshua also set up twelve stones in the middle of the Jordan where the priests who carried the ark of the covenant were standing. The stones are still there today. The priests carrying the ark continued standing in the middle of the Jordan until everything was completed that the Lord had commanded Joshua to tell the people, in keeping with all that Moses had commanded Joshua. The people hurried across, and after everyone had finished crossing, the priests with the ark of the Lord crossed in the sight of the people.”

  That’s a lot. I know. We’re focusing on God’s request to set up some stones.

  

  Those Israelites were so freaked out they hurried right through their miracle. I would have too, totally. But God gave them another gift (that’s just His way). He knew they’d rush through so God gave the priests and Joshua a command to stand; giving them a chance to watch all of them pass by, making eye contact with so many faithful followers and encouraging them to keep going while they held the ark.

  Do you remember where Joshua set up his own stack of stones? Right in the middle, like a secret just for him and God to remember together.

  Imagine Joshua looking for those rocks and piling them right there in the middle of his obedience. He should be drowning but God made a way. I bet with each stone he’s thinking of the names of the people they lost along the way. Because even on the way to a miracle, there will be loss and there will be things you need to grieve. And you must. I’m sorry but you must grieve the sad and the hard. Take the time to fully understand and name the hurt.

  “We don’t remember the past great works of God so that we can live in a dreamland of the past, thinking that the best days of our Christian experience are behind us.  We remember them as a point of faith, so we can trust God for greater and greater works in the future, because we have seen and experienced His past faithfulness.” If you just watched the video of me, you need to move right on out of dreamland and recognize the living, powerful, right next to you God that is capable of greater and greater works.

  Two years ago, I walked away from pain and possible paralysis and I am walking in power. It’s not just for me. It’s for you too. Remember who you are, to whom you belong, remember the plan is good, not easy but it is good and full of hope. Remember, God doesn’t work according to this world’s economy of shortages. He works in the Abundantly More kinda way. Get out of your head. God wants to make a new way.

  C.S. Lewis wrote “Most people don’t need to be taught, they need only to be reminded.” Stacking stones is a beautiful way to remember that Eternity is written on your heart (Ecclesiastes 3:11). The Spirit of the Lord is on you because the Lord has anointed you (Isaiah 61). You were chosen before creation (Ephesians 1).

  You just need to be reminded.

  This is me reminding you.

  If I were to stack Memorial Stones right now, it would look like a heap of pain pills, medical bills, cards of sympathy and encouragement, scriptures, time-lapse videos of sunrises, white boards in hospitals with my nurses names on them, a stack of journals, a bunch of blog posts and a lot of you. Those help me remember my pain. They help me say thank you.

  

  If I were to stack some stones for November 8, 2021, celebrating two years of healing; it would look like hiking trails, picking out which torpedo or slam ball to lift, white boards with crazy workouts written on them, standing at soccer games, deep breathing, no more pills, plenty more journals scribbled with scripture and questions and gratitude, Jesus showing up in all the beautiful ways and a lot of you. It all helps me remember my pain, be blown away by my health and helps me say thank you even louder.

  

  Today, would you go out and find 3 or 4 rocks? Look, if you need to go to the craft store and get the smooth ones; that is all good. Spend some time stacking stones. You can choose to make each rock represent someone in your family and make a pile praying for them. You can lay out that big hope on your heart and let each rock be part of the prayer. Display your Memorial Stones. Let your friends and family ask you questions. “Let them be a sign among you.” and “When others ask, what do these stones mean to you? You should tell them.”

  Stacking Stones is a powerful way of letting the light in.

  Stacking Stones playlist

  Posted in NOVEMBER 2021, Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged healing, How the Light Gets In, Joshua 4, Miracle, Stacking Stones

• Unwrap a gift with me

  Posted at 10:50 am by How the Light Gets In, on March 4, 2021

  Time and Distance lovingly offered me a present. It feels too special and beautiful and too big for just me. So, would you unwrap it with me?

  There were more than a thousand days in 2016 through 2019. Looking back through journals, it feels as if each one of them was blotched with dark, angry pain. Plus, I was bitter. There was a lot of shame and hurt on one very specific area of my body; spanning my hips, left to right, from my waist to my knees. And that very specific area was exactly where every doctor and nurse and specialist wanted to put their focus. It felt cruel that an area of my body that I wanted to avoid, that I had spent my life avoiding, was now the exact place I would be scanned, injected, cut through and pondered over. It’s as if the universe was taking my face in it’s hands and directing it at my pelvis in what felt like a staring contest. The body always keeps score, right? That staring contest took 3 years, 5 surgeries, 13 scars, lots of meds and a bunch of metal coils in my side wall (which is part of the pelvis). My body was up by 1.

  I was seeing three specialists during this time; Dr. Steven Adashek (surgeon) and Dr. Sam DuFlo (Physiotherapist) and Jamie (Therapist). At the time, I couldn’t see it. But looking back now, I see how each of these spectacular humans was vital to my healing. Dr. Adashek offered me the anatomical explanation and cutting through things like my nerve entrapment and scar tissue. Dr. Sam DuFlo gently pushed and pressed on my stomach stretching the physiological and metaphorical anger inside, teaching me the gifts of stretching and breathing to care for my body. Jamie listens and coaches my heart towards the courage it needs to go places I didn’t want to go before. They were and still are my “Dream Team.”

  Looking back, with just enough distance I can see God was doing a thing. He was setting the stage for healing.

  While the process was in motion, I was hoping He was going to take the pain away.

  But this is God we’re talking about.

  God was working with me through Dr. Adashek, Dr. Sam and Jamie to do more than just take the pain away. God was working to restore, redeem and repair. Have you heard the phrase “abundantly more”? THIS is how God operates, in an EXTRA sort of way.

  What are you battling, hiding, avoiding, white-knuckling? Can you step out of it just for a moment? Can you hit pause and breathe? Will you allow Time and Distance to present you with their gifts? If you journal, take some time to flip back and take note of the people and situations and “coincidences” along the way. If you have a billion photos, take some time to scroll through the past year and see what memories stop you.

  I may not be on anyone’s dream team but whether you like it or not, I’m your cheerleader. I’ve got a megaphone and a big story and loud voice to tell you this: God has assembled a Dream Team for you. God is working on the details to teach you, equip you and encourage you to full healing beyond what you’re hoping for. I don’t know what it looks like, who’s involved or when it will happen but

  GOD

  IS

  WORKING

  FOR

  YOU.

  Keep your eyes open, ears alert, heart ready.

  GOD

  IS

  WORKING

  FOR

  YOU.

  Posted in March 2021, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged Brene Brown, God, healing, How the Light Gets In, Indigo Physio, Miracle, Pain, surgery, Therapy

• Day 13: Challenging

  Posted at 1:23 pm by How the Light Gets In, on November 13, 2020

  CHALLENGING

  Day 13; seeing light in the metaphorical dark is CHALLENGING. While Joseph’s brain was swelling, covered in lesions, his eyes crossing, white blood cell count rising; I was coming in and out of the hospital from one surgery after another at the same time. This kind of metaphorical darkness is when it can be CHALLENGING to see light.

  In the deep vastness of chronic pain or a devastating diagnosis or global pandemic chaos zero-ing in on your job security or holiday plans – the darkness comes in consuming your landscape.

  

  “I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light, things that have saved my life over and over again, so that there is really only one logical conclusion. I need darkness as much as I need light.” 

  Barbara Brown Taylor, “Learning to Walk in the Dark”

  This daily exercise of looking for how the light gets in is much more than looking for a silver lining. I’m not a fan of another positive spin. I want the real deal. The power of dark, looking for light in it, the challenge to appreciate them both is a daily exercise.

  So, everyday I bring what I’ve got. And Jesus sees it. Takes it. And Answers.

  

  With five loaves and two fish, Jesus fed thousands. A boy brought Jesus what he had, and Jesus worked a miracle.

  Bring Jesus your dark and your light today. He sees your darkness. He is offering light. Challenge yourself today. What will your miracle look like?

  Posted in November 2020, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged Barbara Brown Taylor, Challenging, Darkness, How the Light Gets In, Jesus, Learning to Walk in the Dark, Matthew 14:17-20, Miracle

• Miracles Part 2

  Posted at 6:56 pm by How the Light Gets In, on August 31, 2019

  Do you remember those clunky projectors from elementary school? The big, gray, crane-necked machines sitting squat in the center of the classroom. Mrs. Hostetler would lay a transparency sheet on the glowing machine and the lesson would begin.

  If needed, she’d add another transparency sheet on top of the first to build on the original lesson.

  

  I feel like our miracle story has another transparency sheet or two you need to know about.

  Transparency #1 (which you know from the previous post): Late August 2016, Joseph was in the hospital, sick and visiting with various specialists.

  Lay on Transparency #2: Joseph was released from the hospital on August 26th. Just a few days later, I was admitted for my surgery.

  Yes, I was in the midst of my own medical chaos.

  Yes, our medical messes were overlapping. And to be clear, it was bad.

  While Joseph was suffering with a swollen brain, crossed eyes and visiting with Infectious Disease, Neurology and Ophthalmology docs; I would be going through 5 surgeries in 10 months leaving me with 13 scars and one major complication – all at the same time.

  

  Joseph’s story had a beautiful miraculous healing – an unexplainable gift. My story continues with pain. But just because I don’t have a spontaneous recovery doesn’t mean I don’t have miracles too; they’re just different.

  The miracle of Loaves and Fishes tells us about a crowd of thousands smooshed in on a hill to be near Jesus. They didn’t want to leave his side but they were also hungry. While the (sometimes doubtful/snarky/forgetful/sounds like Andrea) Disciples suggested they send the crowd away; Jesus said you will feed them.

  Let’s add on one more Transparency sheet, shall we?

  

  Jesus says, bring it here to me… Bring me your shred of self-love, your glimmer of hope, your maybe of trust. Just bring it.

  1. Jesus looks at what they have right in that moment.

  2. He looks up to heaven and says Thank You.

  3. He Shares it.

  With just 5 loaves and 2 fish, Jesus multiplies what the disciples bring him to feed thousands (with leftovers).

  So subtle, so powerful, so Jesus – he models simple steps towards our own miracles.

  I don’t have complete healing. In fact, today I hurt. I’m sad remembering the fear and pain of going into that surgery In 2016. I didn’t want to go. I still sometimes even get mad that I went ahead with it and the one after that and the one after that.

  Right now, I’m bringing what I got.

  I lay down throbbing hurt and frustration. Here it is Jesus. I look up and say Thank You for a beautiful day, with my family, giving the beach one last go before school starts. I hit “publish” and share this story with you. Now we watch the miraculous beauty of gratitude or hope or love or all of the above multiply, together. 💗 And that is how the light gets in.

  Posted in AUGUST 2019, Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged How the Light Gets In, Matthew 14:13-21, Miracle

• Miracles

  Posted at 1:03 pm by How the Light Gets In, on August 22, 2019

  

  August 2016

  His fever was at 104 for 3 days straight. His cough had gotten worse. But when Joseph looked up at me and his eyes were crossed; we went to the ER. Joseph (then 7 years old) would stay in the hospital for a week and then leave with a tube coming out of his chest and a battle ahead. The next 365 days we spent traveling up and down Charles Street for medical appointments – Spinal taps, MRI’s, MRA, MRV, bloodwork, Ophthalmology visits… His brain was swollen, messing up his cranial nerve and crossing his eyes. His white blood cell count was through the roof. He’d lost 14 pounds, was working through brain fog and we kept going. An MRI revealed Joseph had 11 lesions on his brain. My boys brain was presented during Grand Rounds in neurology and they “couldn’t figure him out.” That’s when we switched to The Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia (CHOP).

  August 2017

  Pediatric MS or Spinal Cord Cancer. That’s what Jason and I were told. “Joseph either has Pediatric MS or a sneaky Spinal Cord Cancer. We’ve ordered a spinal tap, MRI and bloodwork to confirm and we’ll move forward from there. We’ll be in touch with the results.”

  Let’s take a breath from the story for a moment and jump to present time. The message series at Church right now is “Ordinary Everyday Miracles.”

  https://www.churchnativity.com/messages/ordinary-everyday-miracles/

  August marks the beginning of our own Miracle. And if I didn’t write about it, well, I wouldn’t be me and you wouldn’t know about it. The alignment of this series at Church plus the anniversary of our miracle is enough prompting for me to start typing.

  Week One of the series, we looked at the story of the Healing of the Paralytic (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+2%3A1-12&version=NABRE). Then in Week 2, we read the Calming of Sea (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+4%3A35-41&version=NABRE And this past week, we go to the Miracle of Loaves and Fishes (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+14%3A13-21&version=NABRE

  Okay, here’s the overview Father White gave us and I love it. Looking at these 3 miracles, we see a progression for the Apostles (Jesus’ closest friends). At first, they get to witness a miracle. Then, in the Calming of the Sea, they are in the midst of the miracle. Next, the Apostles get to participate in the miracle of feeding thousands of people off 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.

  Hearing all the different ways the Apostles had access to MIRACLES that happened right in front of them, for them, by them was beautiful because Jesus is offering so many ways to see him.

  Reading all the different ways the Apostles reacted TO miracles with Jesus RIGHT NEXT TO THEM gives me hope. Matthew 14 verse 15 says they were irritated, verse 26 says they were terrified and didn’t recognize. In Luke 8 verse 24, they were freaking out, forgetting Jesus was with them. In Luke 9 verse 13, the Apostles were straight up sarcastic.

  I don’t know where you stand with God or miracles. But, the fact that the Apostles fear and sarcasm and forgetfulness is written in the Bible reads like gracious encouragement from a big God. Doesn’t it? It’s as if God is saying, “Look, these ding dongs were right next to my Son and still didn’t get it. And they still freaked out. It’s ok. You will too. And, I love you.”

  

  Our Miracle

  Back to the story of our miracle… Terrified? Sarcastic? Freaking out? All of it. We were promised test results and an action plan in 2 days. But instead of 48 hours, we waited 2 weeks.

  The doctor called to say, “Mrs. Smithberger, I apologize for the delay but we just had to make sure. There’s no medical explanation for this but Joseph doesn’t have anything. The 11 lesions, gone. His white blood cell count, normal. The swelling on his brain, gone. Even the marker for Lymes, gone. I had to go to hematology, oncology, ophthalmology, neurology to verify. There is no medical explanation for this.”

  This ding dong was crying.

  There is no medical explanation for our miracle. I still poke Joseph from time to time. I don’t want to forget.

  

  The gift of being in and going through something hard can be that you develop a new way to see things. Looking back and writing, for me, keeps my eyes open as I move forward.

  Don’t miss your miracles.

  You’re a ding dong too and God will stop at nothing to get your attention. And if you get freaked out, scared, doubtful – keep looking. You might be witnessing, in the midst of or participating in a miracle of your own. Look back, look ahead – God is there.

  Posted in AUGUST 2019, Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged Church of the Nativity, How the Light Gets In, Jenna Mace Photography, Mark 2:1-12, Mark 4:35-41, Matthew 14:13-21, Miracle

• Here’s My Heart

  Posted at 10:48 am by How the Light Gets In, on September 12, 2017

  “The creator of the heavens.

  The one who stretches them out.

  Who spreads out the Earth with all that springs from it.

  Who gives breath to it’s people

  and life to those who walk on it.”  Isaiah 42:5

  Yes, that God… My God is doing a little happy dance with us today.  Our God is high-fiveing and celebrating right along side us.

  The hospital called.

  The neurologist listed it all off, like a grocery list; “MS-no, Lesions-gone, Cancer-no, Not even a history of Lymes, No more cranial swelling, No more enhancement of the cranial nerves.  Yep, he looks good.”  She asked if I was still on the line but I was too busy crying in absolute shock to answer.  Did you exhale?

  Deuteronomy 4:9 says “don’t forget the things your eyes have seen… don’t let them fade from your heart as long as you live.”

  I can’t forget Joseph in the hospital; pale, weak, skinny, sad.  I can’t forget how he woke up so angry from anesthesia realizing he had a line put in his chest.  I can’t forget when he was waiting to blow out the candles on his birthday cake but was working so hard to pull his eyes together.  I can’t forget driving down Charles street to one appointment after another week after week. I can’t forget phone calls to any and every doctor, “Can you help me?  My son is sick and I need help.”

  “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight.

  What is whispered in your ear, PROCLAIM IT FROM THE ROOFS!”   Matthew 10:27

  This is my “roof” and I am shouting it friends!  There has been a lot of dark but the whispers of “I will hold your hand” from Isaiah or “Be strong and courageous” from James and “I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go” from Genesis… Come on!  That’s what we’ve been holding onto, breathing in!!!  And the exhale is a snot-nosed, red-eyed, blubbering ME, ready to hug everyone and dance all day!

  I want the pain, the beauty, the victory to leave it’s imprint on my heart and yours.  We’ve learned too much, right?  And life being life, there will be more.  So, let’s carry these lessons together.

  Also, the neurologist said she has “no explanation for why Joseph was so sick or for why he is fine now.

  Whateve’s Science, Spirit’s got this… If I see you, I’m hugging you!

   

  Posted in SEPTEMBER 2017 | 2 Comments | Tagged Deuteronomy 4:9, How the Light Gets In, Isaiah 42:5, Matthew 10:27, Miracle