Now What? – How The Light Gets In
Time and Distance lovingly offered me a present. It feels too special and beautiful and too big for just me. So, would you unwrap it with me?
There were more than a thousand days in 2016 through 2019. Looking back through journals, it feels as if each one of them was blotched with dark, angry pain. Plus, I was bitter. There was a lot of shame and hurt on one very specific area of my body; spanning my hips, left to right, from my waist to my knees. And that very specific area was exactly where every doctor and nurse and specialist wanted to put their focus. It felt cruel that an area of my body that I wanted to avoid, that I had spent my life avoiding, was now the exact place I would be scanned, injected, cut through and pondered over. It’s as if the universe was taking my face in it’s hands and directing it at my pelvis in what felt like a staring contest. The body always keeps score, right? That staring contest took 3 years, 5 surgeries, 13 scars, lots of meds and a bunch of metal coils in my side wall (which is part of the pelvis). My body was up by 1.
I was seeing three specialists during this time; Dr. Steven Adashek (surgeon) and Dr. Sam DuFlo (Physiotherapist) and Jamie (Therapist). At the time, I couldn’t see it. But looking back now, I see how each of these spectacular humans was vital to my healing. Dr. Adashek offered me the anatomical explanation and cutting through things like my nerve entrapment and scar tissue. Dr. Sam DuFlo gently pushed and pressed on my stomach stretching the physiological and metaphorical anger inside, teaching me the gifts of stretching and breathing to care for my body. Jamie listens and coaches my heart towards the courage it needs to go places I didn’t want to go before. They were and still are my “Dream Team.”
Looking back, with just enough distance I can see God was doing a thing. He was setting the stage for healing.
While the process was in motion, I was hoping He was going to take the pain away.
But this is God we’re talking about.
God was working with me through Dr. Adashek, Dr. Sam and Jamie to do more than just take the pain away. God was working to restore, redeem and repair. Have you heard the phrase “abundantly more”? THIS is how God operates, in an EXTRA sort of way.
What are you battling, hiding, avoiding, white-knuckling? Can you step out of it just for a moment? Can you hit pause and breathe? Will you allow Time and Distance to present you with their gifts? If you journal, take some time to flip back and take note of the people and situations and “coincidences” along the way. If you have a billion photos, take some time to scroll through the past year and see what memories stop you.
I may not be on anyone’s dream team but whether you like it or not, I’m your cheerleader. I’ve got a megaphone and a big story and loud voice to tell you this: God has assembled a Dream Team for you. God is working on the details to teach you, equip you and encourage you to full healing beyond what you’re hoping for. I don’t know what it looks like, who’s involved or when it will happen but
Keep your eyes open, ears alert, heart ready.