how the light gets in

Tag: Brene Brown

• Spiritual Coaching Lesson #1

  Posted at 6:12 pm by How the Light Gets In, on May 16, 2022

  Spiritual Coaching Lesson #1

  Did I tell you I started my dream job? Spiritual Coaching: I didn’t even know it was a thing until I had heard about it on an episode of one of my favorite podcasts, The Next Right Thing Episode 167 with Emily P Freeman.

  I get to do something called Spiritual Coaching.

  Literally combine two of my favorite words to form my actual dream job.

  Have you heard of it before? In a spiritual coaching session, you and I would sit, isolating ourselves from the outside world to talk and listen and listen some more. I’m not a therapist diagnosing. As a coach, my job is listening and encouraging. Together, we are working to connect your struggle to your story to God.

  In an effort to be the best Spiritual Coach, I have been reading pages and pages of books with words like trauma, healing, polyvagal, neurological pathways, the mind-body-heart connection, habits, etc. I’m listening to all the podcasts, taking all the notes. I’m trying to absorb all the knowledge and terminology in order to be the best Spiritual Coach I can.

  Philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein said, “The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.” Hearing a philosopher say something like that makes me want to read more, to push past the limits of my world and help others do the same.

  One of the beautiful things about coaching is so much of our work is to help people find language for their stories, to put words to their experience.

  Researcher and author Brené Brown writes in her new book, “Language is a portal to universes of new choices and second chances.” She even goes on to say that portal is within ourselves!

  And yet…

  With all her knowledge and research, she stops short. She still doesn’t quite access the portal. And, to be clear, she has actually limited herself by not recognizing Jesus, the Word at the beginning, Jesus, the Word with God, Jesus, the Word through which all things were created, Jesus the Word made flesh to live among us, die for us and break through the gates of hell for us.

  Jesus IS the portal to universes of new choices and second chances AND He is written on my heart and yours. 

  And that’s when it hit me. While expanding my vocabulary (which is great), I have been making my well-intentioned, growing knowledge louder than the Word of God. This is not good for me as a Spiritual Coach or as an Andrea.

  This world is loud and it is constant. Let’s learn this lesson together, ok?

  I am encouraging me and encouraging you to make time for The Word – to read it and learn God’s voice so you can recognize it among all the noise. Tune the tracker of your heart into what He has just for you. Now, more than ever it’s important to be clear on who is calling you, to be clear on who you’re following.

  John 10:27 says, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” I know the imagery and comparison to sheep rubs people the wrong way. But watch and pay attention to this short video. What do you notice?

  As you learn to recognize the voice of God (which is a life long journey), let it begin with The Word.

  Are you feeling like you need a rewrite of your story? Read John 21

  Are you feeling invisible? Let Jesus call your name in John 20:16

  Are you feeling overwhelmed by the constant hardship in your life? Read Luke 22:31 and be encouraged on who is praying for you.

  Are you feeling like you are locked in a hurtful cycle because “that’s how it’s always been in your family?” Read 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 to understand how the Holy Spirit has the power to renew and break through generational patterns of unhealthy and destructive behaviors, to understand how you were created in power for power, so use it well.

  Are you feeling stuck? Make Colossians 1:9-14 your prayer.

  “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

  He was in the beginning with God.

  All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men and women.

  And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. “ John 1:1-5

  That’s our Jesus – “the discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)

  Isn’t it pure and powerful to consider Jesus as the limitless language for the greatest story of all time? And isn’t it magnificent to consider Him as the limitless language and already part-of-you portal for second chances in your own story?

  Sitting still enough to get quiet can feel scary. I get that.

  If you and I were in a Spiritual Coaching session right now, and you had just unloaded something from your heart; do you know what we would do next?

  We would be quiet together. Maybe take a few breaths. And then listen together.

  We wouldn’t be listening for my newly learned lingo. We would be listening for what the God of the universe might want to whisper for you in the holiness of that quiet moment.

  As you venture towards connecting your struggle to your story to God; make space for The Word.

  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, Breath, Brene Brown, Colossians 1:9-14, Hebrews 4:12, How the Light Gets In, Invisible, Jesus, John 10:27, John 1:1-5, John 20:16, John 21, Listen, Luke 22:31, Portal, Rewrite, Spiritual Coaching, Stuck, The Word

• Unwrap a gift with me

  Posted at 10:50 am by How the Light Gets In, on March 4, 2021

  Time and Distance lovingly offered me a present. It feels too special and beautiful and too big for just me. So, would you unwrap it with me?

  There were more than a thousand days in 2016 through 2019. Looking back through journals, it feels as if each one of them was blotched with dark, angry pain. Plus, I was bitter. There was a lot of shame and hurt on one very specific area of my body; spanning my hips, left to right, from my waist to my knees. And that very specific area was exactly where every doctor and nurse and specialist wanted to put their focus. It felt cruel that an area of my body that I wanted to avoid, that I had spent my life avoiding, was now the exact place I would be scanned, injected, cut through and pondered over. It’s as if the universe was taking my face in it’s hands and directing it at my pelvis in what felt like a staring contest. The body always keeps score, right? That staring contest took 3 years, 5 surgeries, 13 scars, lots of meds and a bunch of metal coils in my side wall (which is part of the pelvis). My body was up by 1.

  I was seeing three specialists during this time; Dr. Steven Adashek (surgeon) and Dr. Sam DuFlo (Physiotherapist) and Jamie (Therapist). At the time, I couldn’t see it. But looking back now, I see how each of these spectacular humans was vital to my healing. Dr. Adashek offered me the anatomical explanation and cutting through things like my nerve entrapment and scar tissue. Dr. Sam DuFlo gently pushed and pressed on my stomach stretching the physiological and metaphorical anger inside, teaching me the gifts of stretching and breathing to care for my body. Jamie listens and coaches my heart towards the courage it needs to go places I didn’t want to go before. They were and still are my “Dream Team.”

  Looking back, with just enough distance I can see God was doing a thing. He was setting the stage for healing.

  While the process was in motion, I was hoping He was going to take the pain away.

  But this is God we’re talking about.

  God was working with me through Dr. Adashek, Dr. Sam and Jamie to do more than just take the pain away. God was working to restore, redeem and repair. Have you heard the phrase “abundantly more”? THIS is how God operates, in an EXTRA sort of way.

  What are you battling, hiding, avoiding, white-knuckling? Can you step out of it just for a moment? Can you hit pause and breathe? Will you allow Time and Distance to present you with their gifts? If you journal, take some time to flip back and take note of the people and situations and “coincidences” along the way. If you have a billion photos, take some time to scroll through the past year and see what memories stop you.

  I may not be on anyone’s dream team but whether you like it or not, I’m your cheerleader. I’ve got a megaphone and a big story and loud voice to tell you this: God has assembled a Dream Team for you. God is working on the details to teach you, equip you and encourage you to full healing beyond what you’re hoping for. I don’t know what it looks like, who’s involved or when it will happen but

  GOD

  IS

  WORKING

  FOR

  YOU.

  Keep your eyes open, ears alert, heart ready.

  GOD

  IS

  WORKING

  FOR

  YOU.

  Posted in March 2021, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged Brene Brown, God, healing, How the Light Gets In, Indigo Physio, Miracle, Pain, surgery, Therapy

• my response

  Posted at 2:31 pm by How the Light Gets In, on January 8, 2021

  Fight or Flight: two basic responses to stress.

  Which did you choose January 6th?

  To be honest, I don’t usually choose to fight or run away. I freeze. Very mature. I’m working on me though.

  I woke up feeling like I don’t want to fight, don’t want to flee, don’t want to be stuck either. I do feel the need to face “it”. [For the record, I’m not going into the “it” because “it” is different for all of us.] There’s a rumbling for vulnerability in this country. And we need to address it, one by one, for the good of the whole.

  Our country is a mess. I believe there’s a calling out there for you and me right now. We don’t need a new leader to fix it. You, me, we can all be leaders in our families, our circles for change. I need you. You need me. WE need to work side by side, extending Grace to each other while we respond to the call.

  So, how do we do it?

  Rather than fighting or running away or freezing:

  1. FACE it.

  Are you angry, hurt, sad? With the Church? Racism? Trump? Biden? Covid-19? the mask? White people? Karens? Fox News? CNN? God? WHO? WHY?

  Ask God to untangle the mess inside. “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24

  While you’ve got God working in there, ask Him to show you all the gifts you have too (you’ll be needing those).

  2. SIT with it.

  Push past the anger to the real feeling: Is it fear? Fear of the Unknown? Do you feel exposed? Uncertain? Vulnerable? Guilty? Dumb? Territorial? Wrong? Shameful?

  SIT WITH IT.

  Isaiah 30:15 says, “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.” There is strength to be found in stillness.

  While you’re sitting with all the things; invite Jesus in please.

  “Come Lord Jesus” – you say the word and He will be there beside you.

  To have the powerful companionship of God – your God who knows tears and injustice and isolation and hurt- while sitting with all of the stuff makes all the difference. Inviting a holy presence into the process will transform you. Promise.

  3. NAME it.

  

  There are three strategies that I’ve seen work to transform always knowing into always learning.

  1. Name the issue. It’s a tough conversation, but clear is kind: I’d like for you to work on your curiosity and critical thinking skills. You’re often quick with answers, which can be helpful, but not as helpful as having the right questions, which is how you’ll grow as a leader. We can work together on this.

  Knowers often have a lot of people talking behind their backs, and that’s unkind.

  2. Make learning “curiosity skills” a priority. Some people may be perceived as naturally curious, and others need to be taught how to be more curious. Don’t assume people aren’t curious because they don’t care. They may not know how to be curious.

  3. Acknowledge and reward great questions and instances of “I don’t know, but I’d like to find out” as daring  leadership  behaviors. The  big  shift  here is from wanting to “be right” to wanting to “get it right.”

  We define grounded confidence as curiosity + the willingness to rumble with vulnerability + practice. While armor is our greatest barrier to being brave, grounded confidence is the heart of daring leadership.

  *Adapted from Dare to Lead: Brave Work, Tough Conversations, Whole Hearts (2018)

  Look. You, me, we BELONG here right now. God put us here today and so we will be equipped for the work ahead.

  I, for one (while slightly terrified) am also excited to think that if I do the work well, I can bring some change to this world. What fills me even more hope is the idea that you are here at the same time! And if we do the work well TOGETHER – WOW!

  Let’s be terrified and excited TOGETHER! WE are here for a purpose. You are meant to be here. Don’t throw your story away in anger or violence or stereotypes, we are worth much more than that.

  Come Lord Jesus.

  Sit beside us in our fear and anger until we can acknowledge what’s in our hearts. Jesus, you promised to be with us in the storm. And this, Lord, is a shit storm. Beyond the promise, you are inviting us to “the other side” of the storm. I pray we say yes to the invitation.

  Help us embrace the love and patience and wisdom and humility and goodness and mercy and grace you’ve woven into each one of us. I pray we learn to accept our faults and to receive our gifts. Thank you for my brothers and sisters who are as messed up as I am and want better.

  Fix our eyes on you Jesus. Amen.

  Posted in JANUARY 2021, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged always learning, Biden, Brene Brown, Clear is kind, Fight or Flight, How the Light Gets In, Isaiah 30:15, Jesus, leader, Psalm 139:23-24, Racism, Revelation 22:20, Trump, Yoda

• Bread + Therapy

  Posted at 1:36 pm by How the Light Gets In, on February 17, 2018

  Fun fact about me.  I’m a quitter.  I’ll start an embroidery project or drinking water; and before too long, it’s just meh.  So, a few months back, a circle of special girls decided we would tackle “100 Days to Brave” together.  It’s a devotional written to inspire, educate and love you to courage rooted in truth.  And it was 100 days.  Like, consecutively.  Not my M.O.  However, we did it!  I did it!  100 days of scripture to push me to a Brave life.  HOORAY!

  So, what would Brave look like for you?  After 100 days of hearing, YOU GOT THIS! What would you do?

  I baked bread.

  Those little yellow packet of “active yeast” have always intimidated the heck outta me.  Homemade pizza crusts, pie doughs, breads wigged me out because of the yeast part.  Why?  Please.  There is no logic here.  However, let me say it again; I baked bread.  And it was alright.  And I faced the dreaded yeast step again and again.  Now, I make a lovely Honey Oatmeal bread.

  

  How is this brave?  Yeast aside, the process is slow.  Slow is not my speed.  The Honey Oatmeal Bread process requires time.  Carefully, I measure out the flour. Heating butter in a saucepan until it just melts and mixing in the honey and oats smells amazing and gives off the most wonderful smell.  Then after a few more steps, I get to put this mound of dough on the counter and knead it with my hands.  My speed, slow and deliberate, is intentional now.  Deep breaths in.  Long exhales.  There’s something magical about letting the dough rise, seeing it double in size.  And then, poof I deflate it and fold it into buttered pans to rise again.  And the SMELL that fills the house is a prize alone.

  It’s not a big deal but it’s a step.  It might sound dumb but it made me proud and feel pretty good about myself.

  That was the baby step. There always needs to be a first step, right?  Even if it is a loaf of bread.  My next brave move was:  I started therapy.  I stepped into an office with a professional and walked out alive.  The days after have left me feeling raw and kind of yucky feeling.  This therapy is shedding light on old wounds.  Wounds I’ve kept to myself.  Over time, those wounds have wrapped themselves in sticky lies and shame.

  This is what happens when the light gets in.  Those hard things I’ve kept to myself get the light of truth and love all over them.  I deserve this though.  Right?  I mean, yes, right.

  “You can’t have true courage unless you open yourself up to vulnerability.”  Thank you Brene Brown.  I am holding onto that.  I am brave because I am letting it go.

  Paul wrote in his letter to the Ephesians,

  “Everything exposed by the light becomes visible – and everything that is illuminated becomes light.”  – Ephesians 5:13

  God has been with me through my whole journey.  I believe He has waited patiently and lovingly for this moment and He is cheering me on.  “Be strong and courageous.  Don’t be afraid; don’t be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9. That’s good stuff.

  Bread + Therapy, this is how the light gets in for me these days.  Pray for me to not give up, on the bread or me.

  Posted in FEBRUARY 2018 | 1 Comment | Tagged 100 Days to Brave, Annie F Downs, Baking Bread, Brene Brown, Ephesians 5:13, How the Light Gets In, Joshua 1:9, Therapy, Vulnerability

• Breathing and Believing

  Posted at 9:37 am by How the Light Gets In, on September 7, 2017

  Today is DAY 10 of waiting for Joseph’s test results from CHOP.  Ten whole days of testing ME — my patience, my steadfastness, my Faith.   Before I get into what these past days have looked like, here’s what I think FAITH looks like:

  Faith is NOT a label you wear.  Faith is NOT a statement you throw around.  Faith is NOT a destination.  Faith is a human being putting trust in an unseen God.

  Just before going into this 10 Day Test, I listened to a Jen Hatmaker podcast with guest, Brene Brown.  Among a million amazing things, Brown stopped me with this, “Don’t be scary when you’re scared.”  If my heart had hands and a highlighter, it circled that statement over and over.   So, I promised myself to hold onto that.  She also said, “Science and Spirit are all from the same source.”  Hmmmm… heart hands, highlight that too.

  This is where I have seen how Science & Spirit go hand in hand in Faith.  I just learned how to breathe.  Literally.  I have been doing it wrong all along.  Took 42 years to teach this human how to BREATHE.  Is God rolling his eyes at me? My physiotherapist instructed me to inhale deep and fill up my tummy.  And then, on the exhale, to imagine pulling two points on my hips together.  Want to know what I was doing so wrong?  I wasn’t breathing. I was holding my breath.  Anytime I was in the midst of something scary or hard (or just wanted to look thinner), I would hold my breath.  She said I was suppressing and holding onto the bad instead of experiencing it and letting it go.  Science and Spirit, baby.

  My physical body was stopping the very thing it needs for life, breathing, to numb a bad experience.  And as weird as it sounds, inhaling and exhaling correctly force me to be IN the moment, the good and the bad.  My homework these past two weeks, has been to breathe.  The timing of that science for the testing of this faith is divine, don’t you think?  “Breathing Homework” examples:  we were so excited to find a new trail at Loch Raven.  We explored it deep until we felt like we were all alone.  In THAT moment, with all 5 kids, on a beautiful day, overlooking the water, I inhaled sweetness and exhaled gratitude.  On the other hand, following a conversation with someone who meant well but scared the crap outta me; I inhaled slow fear and exhaled it OUTTA me.

  There are several scriptures about Faith that give it good visual.  Words like anchor, shield, etc.  We, as humans, need the visual sometimes for our unseen God.   There is, however, the person who gives us a visual to the unseen God, Jesus.  And He is my model.  God gave us his son to show us how to get it done!  God put flesh and blood to his divine power and gave us this… person.  The ULTIMATE combination of Science and Spirit.

  And you know what is so cool about Jesus?  He didn’t float around making people bow down.  Jesus walked, taught, cried from grief, lost his cool, took a break from the noise, asked for a pass, and he was always talking to God.   Jesus shows us FAITH is a LIFE FILLED WITH action, emotion, it’s a journey; side by side with God.    What I am trying to say is just because I have faith doesn’t mean these past 10 days have been me saying “God is good” with a numb smile.  I have cried, smiled, freaked out, prayed, called CHOP, prayed a bunch more; breathing in and out the whole time.  While I have been trying so hard to be steady, I have stumbled.  And you know what?  That is okay because “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning…”  Lamentations 3:22-23.

  God may be invisible but His love is not.  Reading the Bible, getting texts from you all, being healthy enough to see all of my kids off to school, the timing of hearing Brene Brown’s wisdom; all evidence of God and how he weaves His spirit into my everyday.  Pray for me as I wait on the science.

  inhale

  exhale

   

   

   

  Posted in SEPTEMBER 2017 | 1 Comment | Tagged Brene Brown, CHOP, Don't be scary when you're scared, Faith, How the Light Gets In, Jen Hatmaker, Lamentations 3:22-23