how the light gets in

Category: AUGUST 2019

• Miracles Part 2

  Posted at 6:56 pm by How the Light Gets In, on August 31, 2019

  Do you remember those clunky projectors from elementary school? The big, gray, crane-necked machines sitting squat in the center of the classroom. Mrs. Hostetler would lay a transparency sheet on the glowing machine and the lesson would begin.

  If needed, she’d add another transparency sheet on top of the first to build on the original lesson.

  

  I feel like our miracle story has another transparency sheet or two you need to know about.

  Transparency #1 (which you know from the previous post): Late August 2016, Joseph was in the hospital, sick and visiting with various specialists.

  Lay on Transparency #2: Joseph was released from the hospital on August 26th. Just a few days later, I was admitted for my surgery.

  Yes, I was in the midst of my own medical chaos.

  Yes, our medical messes were overlapping. And to be clear, it was bad.

  While Joseph was suffering with a swollen brain, crossed eyes and visiting with Infectious Disease, Neurology and Ophthalmology docs; I would be going through 5 surgeries in 10 months leaving me with 13 scars and one major complication – all at the same time.

  

  Joseph’s story had a beautiful miraculous healing – an unexplainable gift. My story continues with pain. But just because I don’t have a spontaneous recovery doesn’t mean I don’t have miracles too; they’re just different.

  The miracle of Loaves and Fishes tells us about a crowd of thousands smooshed in on a hill to be near Jesus. They didn’t want to leave his side but they were also hungry. While the (sometimes doubtful/snarky/forgetful/sounds like Andrea) Disciples suggested they send the crowd away; Jesus said you will feed them.

  Let’s add on one more Transparency sheet, shall we?

  

  Jesus says, bring it here to me… Bring me your shred of self-love, your glimmer of hope, your maybe of trust. Just bring it.

  1. Jesus looks at what they have right in that moment.

  2. He looks up to heaven and says Thank You.

  3. He Shares it.

  With just 5 loaves and 2 fish, Jesus multiplies what the disciples bring him to feed thousands (with leftovers).

  So subtle, so powerful, so Jesus – he models simple steps towards our own miracles.

  I don’t have complete healing. In fact, today I hurt. I’m sad remembering the fear and pain of going into that surgery In 2016. I didn’t want to go. I still sometimes even get mad that I went ahead with it and the one after that and the one after that.

  Right now, I’m bringing what I got.

  I lay down throbbing hurt and frustration. Here it is Jesus. I look up and say Thank You for a beautiful day, with my family, giving the beach one last go before school starts. I hit “publish” and share this story with you. Now we watch the miraculous beauty of gratitude or hope or love or all of the above multiply, together. 💗 And that is how the light gets in.

  Posted in AUGUST 2019, Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged How the Light Gets In, Matthew 14:13-21, Miracle

• Miracles

  Posted at 1:03 pm by How the Light Gets In, on August 22, 2019

  

  August 2016

  His fever was at 104 for 3 days straight. His cough had gotten worse. But when Joseph looked up at me and his eyes were crossed; we went to the ER. Joseph (then 7 years old) would stay in the hospital for a week and then leave with a tube coming out of his chest and a battle ahead. The next 365 days we spent traveling up and down Charles Street for medical appointments – Spinal taps, MRI’s, MRA, MRV, bloodwork, Ophthalmology visits… His brain was swollen, messing up his cranial nerve and crossing his eyes. His white blood cell count was through the roof. He’d lost 14 pounds, was working through brain fog and we kept going. An MRI revealed Joseph had 11 lesions on his brain. My boys brain was presented during Grand Rounds in neurology and they “couldn’t figure him out.” That’s when we switched to The Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia (CHOP).

  August 2017

  Pediatric MS or Spinal Cord Cancer. That’s what Jason and I were told. “Joseph either has Pediatric MS or a sneaky Spinal Cord Cancer. We’ve ordered a spinal tap, MRI and bloodwork to confirm and we’ll move forward from there. We’ll be in touch with the results.”

  Let’s take a breath from the story for a moment and jump to present time. The message series at Church right now is “Ordinary Everyday Miracles.”

  https://www.churchnativity.com/messages/ordinary-everyday-miracles/

  August marks the beginning of our own Miracle. And if I didn’t write about it, well, I wouldn’t be me and you wouldn’t know about it. The alignment of this series at Church plus the anniversary of our miracle is enough prompting for me to start typing.

  Week One of the series, we looked at the story of the Healing of the Paralytic (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+2%3A1-12&version=NABRE). Then in Week 2, we read the Calming of Sea (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+4%3A35-41&version=NABRE And this past week, we go to the Miracle of Loaves and Fishes (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+14%3A13-21&version=NABRE

  Okay, here’s the overview Father White gave us and I love it. Looking at these 3 miracles, we see a progression for the Apostles (Jesus’ closest friends). At first, they get to witness a miracle. Then, in the Calming of the Sea, they are in the midst of the miracle. Next, the Apostles get to participate in the miracle of feeding thousands of people off 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.

  Hearing all the different ways the Apostles had access to MIRACLES that happened right in front of them, for them, by them was beautiful because Jesus is offering so many ways to see him.

  Reading all the different ways the Apostles reacted TO miracles with Jesus RIGHT NEXT TO THEM gives me hope. Matthew 14 verse 15 says they were irritated, verse 26 says they were terrified and didn’t recognize. In Luke 8 verse 24, they were freaking out, forgetting Jesus was with them. In Luke 9 verse 13, the Apostles were straight up sarcastic.

  I don’t know where you stand with God or miracles. But, the fact that the Apostles fear and sarcasm and forgetfulness is written in the Bible reads like gracious encouragement from a big God. Doesn’t it? It’s as if God is saying, “Look, these ding dongs were right next to my Son and still didn’t get it. And they still freaked out. It’s ok. You will too. And, I love you.”

  

  Our Miracle

  Back to the story of our miracle… Terrified? Sarcastic? Freaking out? All of it. We were promised test results and an action plan in 2 days. But instead of 48 hours, we waited 2 weeks.

  The doctor called to say, “Mrs. Smithberger, I apologize for the delay but we just had to make sure. There’s no medical explanation for this but Joseph doesn’t have anything. The 11 lesions, gone. His white blood cell count, normal. The swelling on his brain, gone. Even the marker for Lymes, gone. I had to go to hematology, oncology, ophthalmology, neurology to verify. There is no medical explanation for this.”

  This ding dong was crying.

  There is no medical explanation for our miracle. I still poke Joseph from time to time. I don’t want to forget.

  

  The gift of being in and going through something hard can be that you develop a new way to see things. Looking back and writing, for me, keeps my eyes open as I move forward.

  Don’t miss your miracles.

  You’re a ding dong too and God will stop at nothing to get your attention. And if you get freaked out, scared, doubtful – keep looking. You might be witnessing, in the midst of or participating in a miracle of your own. Look back, look ahead – God is there.

  Posted in AUGUST 2019, Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged Church of the Nativity, How the Light Gets In, Jenna Mace Photography, Mark 2:1-12, Mark 4:35-41, Matthew 14:13-21, Miracle

• The “R” Cycle

  Posted at 8:53 pm by How the Light Gets In, on August 1, 2019

  I’m writing this while on vacation. That being said, you might assume The “R” Cycle refers to things like rest, recharge, relax. Ummmmm no.

  My saint of a husband just drove off with all 5 of our children to an ARCADE. Bless that beautiful man.

  So, here I am alone. And, I’m realizing I need a vacation from this vacation. I don’t like them right now. I birthed those children and I don’t like them. I love them but I do not like them.

  There is just a whole lot of quality time happening around here. We keep bumping into each other. And, they keep finding me (because maybe I’ve taken to hiding) to tell me how someone is breathing on them, chewing too loudly or pushing them.

  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stretched my hands out, shoulders shrugged up to my ears, “But look,” I say, “We’re at the beach. Everyone is happy at the beach.”

  “There are so many of you!” I keep insisting like maybe it will click one of these times…”You have built in friends!”

  The beach IS my happy place though. And these people WILL make happy memories together. So, I’m going to lean hard onto The “R” Cycle to get us through.

  • Rupture
  • Repair
  • Repeat

  The first “R” is for Rupture: to breach or disturb a harmonious feeling or sensation.

  Okay, it’s much too luxurious a word for the crap show that a rupture feels like but this is called alliteration. So we’re going with it.

  Every family, every human relationship hits a “rupture” point. Fair? Some may even hit a few disturbances a day. Normal. The shift between seasons, especially into summer, can be challenging. I just wasn’t expecting the multitude of disturbances in a place as harmonious as the flipping beach. Grrrrrrrrrrrupture.

  The second “R” refers to Repair. How am I going to repair the rupture: Listening to the issue without tapping my foot in irritation? Starting my peace treaty proposal minus the eye roll? These are good starts.

  Here’s the golden nugget…

  It’s not about the Rupture, it’s all about how you Repair.

  I can’t take credit for that bit of wisdom. My therapist says it to me a lot.

  The repair is the care, the tone, the time I can take to fix the fight. It’s the words minus the sarcasm and loaded with grace I can choose to tie the loose ends.

  I’m beyond the “you only have so many summers before they’re gone” sap. But I am fully aware that I have them here now. I am fully aware that we are going to rupture and dang it I am determined to repair well.

  And, as if on cue… Jason just walked in with the crew singing “Reunited and it feels so good.”

  Off to work on my R’s with my peeps.

  I do love them. Thanks for listening.💗

  

  Posted in AUGUST 2019 | 2 Comments | Tagged How the Light Gets In, Rupture