Yes, the Athlete Analogy continues. Remember last time, when I wrote about being side-lined, taken out of the game, put on the DL? A lot has happened in the days since I last posted. Walk with me.
Jason and I met with a new surgeon. Dr. Johnson is a pelvic reconstructive surgeon. A friend suggested him. I called. HE answered. We met Friday. Boom!
I went in to the appointment hoping this doctor would have the surgery in mind, that we would look at the calendar and he would schedule my rescue. And that’s exactly how it did not go. Like, not at all.
Dr. Johnson told me surgery is simply not an option. How dare he? He explained that in order to feel better it was up to me. The road to recovery involves time, effort, money and it is up to me.
Life hurt me. Life left evil, painful, sad scars on me through many ways over many years. Being opened up for surgery 5 times in 10 months didn’t help. My heart didn’t realize how much it wanted this doctor to schedule a quick-fix surgery until it didn’t hear it.
I left feeling so sad. That sadness turned to anger. Why is it up to me to fix what life gave me? WHY?
I asked. God answered.
FRIDAY Jason came with me. He asked good questions of both the doctor and me. He loved me well through good food, thoughtful conversation, much needed quiet, and hugs. And beautiful Grammie shows up with my absolute favorite beef and barley stew with loaves of bread PLUS brownies WITH icing. She is magic.
SATURDAY I found myself zoning out at Luci’s basketball practice. Coach snapped me back yelling, “Again! Again! Guys it’s all about the follow through!” He was making the kids repeat the same moves over and over until it became one fluid motion. They were all grumbling but they did it. Step left, step right, dribble and up. Over and over and over. But, they got it. And you could see the confidence in their faces.
Yes, I teared up during basketball drills. “Hey God, I see you seeing me. I see how this path to healing involves a lot of Follow Through; the recovery, healing, letting go, committing and watching with hope. Okay.” Good tears.
SUNDAY is church and Nativity is just where God loves to hang out so that was good.
MONDAY I got a text from Colleen
Endurance and encouragement sound like great tools to make the Follow Through work. Grateful Colleen hit “send” for me.
TUESDAY I listen to a podcast and hear the guest say he hoped after something hard in his life to be able to pray that God would make a NEW thing. That his prayer is not to take something old and make it better but to make something TOTALLY NEW.
WEDNESDAY Taylor shows up with flowers and in her best coaching voice she helps change the voice in my heart. “Yay! It’s up to YOU and no one else, nothing else, just YOU!” Wisdom from a friend half my age.
So this is up to me. My healing is in my hands. And I got this.
BECAUSE I believe there is a God. I believe God is on my side. I believe God loves me. I believe God shows up in ALL ways to prove it.
Let the work begin! (and the sports analogies end)