how the light gets in

Author Archives: How the Light Gets In

• Flipping the Switch

  Posted at 10:24 pm by How the Light Gets In, on March 14, 2018

  Remember when you were little?  And, you were trying so hard to sleep but there was that scary thing in your room?  And, it was so dark.  And, there was no way you could get up to turn on the light.  It’s as if you were paralyzed right in your bed.  And finally, when you had gotten enough courage to yell out for help, your mom or dad would come to the rescue.  And all they did was switch on the light. And that scary thing would be revealed… a towel on the doorknob.  Right?  But it was sooooo scary.

  That towel on the door knob was terrifying hanging there in the dark.

  That towel on the door knob was so powerful in the dark.

  The longer we hold things in the dark, the more power we give them.  The longer we keep things in the dark, the more paralyzed we can become.  That’s my takeaway from therapy so far.

  It’s good, right?

  What’s your “towel?”  I know you have one.  Maybe you have a bunch of towels piled high and scary and intimidating in a dark corner of your heart.

  Maybe you believe you aren’t good enough.  Maybe you believe you deserve it.  Maybe you feel if you aren’t doing it all, you are just not worthy.

  It’s time to flip the switch.

  God, THE source of light (1John 1:5), is on standby waiting to bring on the light.  He’s hoping you’ll call out to Him and He can shed the light of truth on who you are (1Peter 2:9).  He’s waiting to blind you with overwhelming love.  He’s on standby to come into the mess and sing His sweet song of love over you (Zephaniah 3:17),  filling you with the peace you deserve.

  It takes a lot of courage to face my stupid, scary “towels.”  To be honest, my heart is still adjusting to the light of truth.  This will take time. I can tell you, I have never felt more brave, scared, messy and loved ALL AT THE SAME TIME in my life.  Lots of deep breaths.

  I’m grateful, even if it’s taken this long to learn, that flipping the switch is one way how the light gets in.

  {side note: Cory Asbury.  Have you heard him?  His new album, “Reckless Love” is on repeat.  He turned scriptures into prayers into music.  And my soul is singing right along with every word.}

   

   

   

   

   

  Posted in MARCH 2018 | 1 Comment | Tagged 1 John 1:5, 1 Peter 2:9, Cory Asbury, Dark, flipping the switch, How the Light Gets In, Zephaniah 3:17

• Bread + Therapy

  Posted at 1:36 pm by How the Light Gets In, on February 17, 2018

  Fun fact about me.  I’m a quitter.  I’ll start an embroidery project or drinking water; and before too long, it’s just meh.  So, a few months back, a circle of special girls decided we would tackle “100 Days to Brave” together.  It’s a devotional written to inspire, educate and love you to courage rooted in truth.  And it was 100 days.  Like, consecutively.  Not my M.O.  However, we did it!  I did it!  100 days of scripture to push me to a Brave life.  HOORAY!

  So, what would Brave look like for you?  After 100 days of hearing, YOU GOT THIS! What would you do?

  I baked bread.

  Those little yellow packet of “active yeast” have always intimidated the heck outta me.  Homemade pizza crusts, pie doughs, breads wigged me out because of the yeast part.  Why?  Please.  There is no logic here.  However, let me say it again; I baked bread.  And it was alright.  And I faced the dreaded yeast step again and again.  Now, I make a lovely Honey Oatmeal bread.

  

  How is this brave?  Yeast aside, the process is slow.  Slow is not my speed.  The Honey Oatmeal Bread process requires time.  Carefully, I measure out the flour. Heating butter in a saucepan until it just melts and mixing in the honey and oats smells amazing and gives off the most wonderful smell.  Then after a few more steps, I get to put this mound of dough on the counter and knead it with my hands.  My speed, slow and deliberate, is intentional now.  Deep breaths in.  Long exhales.  There’s something magical about letting the dough rise, seeing it double in size.  And then, poof I deflate it and fold it into buttered pans to rise again.  And the SMELL that fills the house is a prize alone.

  It’s not a big deal but it’s a step.  It might sound dumb but it made me proud and feel pretty good about myself.

  That was the baby step. There always needs to be a first step, right?  Even if it is a loaf of bread.  My next brave move was:  I started therapy.  I stepped into an office with a professional and walked out alive.  The days after have left me feeling raw and kind of yucky feeling.  This therapy is shedding light on old wounds.  Wounds I’ve kept to myself.  Over time, those wounds have wrapped themselves in sticky lies and shame.

  This is what happens when the light gets in.  Those hard things I’ve kept to myself get the light of truth and love all over them.  I deserve this though.  Right?  I mean, yes, right.

  “You can’t have true courage unless you open yourself up to vulnerability.”  Thank you Brene Brown.  I am holding onto that.  I am brave because I am letting it go.

  Paul wrote in his letter to the Ephesians,

  “Everything exposed by the light becomes visible – and everything that is illuminated becomes light.”  – Ephesians 5:13

  God has been with me through my whole journey.  I believe He has waited patiently and lovingly for this moment and He is cheering me on.  “Be strong and courageous.  Don’t be afraid; don’t be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9. That’s good stuff.

  Bread + Therapy, this is how the light gets in for me these days.  Pray for me to not give up, on the bread or me.

  Posted in FEBRUARY 2018 | 1 Comment | Tagged 100 Days to Brave, Annie F Downs, Baking Bread, Brene Brown, Ephesians 5:13, How the Light Gets In, Joshua 1:9, Therapy, Vulnerability

• PTSD…maybe?

  Posted at 6:20 am by How the Light Gets In, on January 24, 2018

  Joseph: Mom, I hate 4:00.  It’s like the worst time.

  Me: (eye roll) Why Joseph?  Why could you possibly hate 4:00?

  Joseph: They were supposed to let me out at 4:00 and they didn’t and we hoped and hoped but they didn’t.

  Me:  Joseph, are you talking about GBMC?  Buddy, that was a year and a half ago.  And 4:00 now is snack time and it’s the time we sit down for Thanksgiving dinner and it’s still light outside so you can play.

  Joseph: It still makes me worried.

  I’m doing the best I can.  But this is hard.  Maybe you can help.  6 out of 7 of us Smithbergers are on the same page.  That’s 84.5% of our family that is happy to be free from the mess of the past two years.   Joseph is just not free.  The rest of us want to hang the “Hooray” banner…

  But, Joseph is simply not there. I can’t tell you how many times over the past two months I have asked, maybe even yelled, “Why Joseph?  Why are you not happy all the time?”

  Why isn’t he excited about life and his new found freedom??  Last year our lives were consumed with doctors visits, new diagnosis paths, projections, brain fog, pain, testing, making up school work, tears.  We are done with all that!

  He is just NOT happy.  He is timid and angry and hard.  Nothing is ever good enough.

  What makes things worse is he looks so perfect.  He has one scar on this chest but NOTHING else.  He has nothing after almost two YEARS of medical chaos.

  But Joseph is somewhat crippled inside.  His scars are deep down.  And those are the worst kind.

  I try to talk things out.  (words are my favorite tool for just about everything) I light a fire and pop popcorn and bake M&M cookies.  I read “Wonder” or “Tom Sawyer” out loud at bedtime.  I let him use whatever he wants from the recycling bin for his creations.  I pray with him.  I pray for him.  I. I. I…

  I am not enough. And that is hard to accept.  I can not erase his flashbacks or nightmares.  I can’t calm his angry outbursts.   For the love, at this point, I can’t control my angry outbursts.

  I can’t figure out when or how to let him live out his authentic healing path or when to step in and nudge him or stop him to help him along that path.   Because this is HIS story too, obviously.  And he needs to process and heal in his time.  But he’s a little kid.  And, I am his mom.  I want for him to work through his feelings and to own his healing.  But, it’s not happening.

  So, what do I do?  I consult my favorite medical professional, Google.  I type in some of Joseph’s behaviors and get PTSD.

  I kind of shrug it off because I have always associated PTSD with soldiers, as a post-war sort of thing.  But it starts make so much sense.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  The little dude is so stressed out because he is dealing with the stress of such a crap year that he fought through and stuffed down and it’s all unraveling.

  So, here’s where I usher Google out and invite God in.  And by now, you know, we know, He is going to answer.  

  I journal every morning.  It’s my way of laying it all out.  Sometimes it’s just whatever comes to mind, or maybe a nagging pull on my heart.  There are a lot of Thank you’s in my journal.  Recently, Joseph is filling the pages.  God, WHAT is going on?  God, WHY can’t he be happy?  Lord, HOW do I help him feel peace in his 9 year old heart?  When you ASK, God answers.  There are so many references to God hearing you in the Bible.  But my most relevant comes from the Book of Andrea.

  I fill my journal pages with questions to a seemingly invisible God, and God answers on a Tuesday filled with friends & conversations.  At breakfast with one friend, I never get to talk to, and her first question is have I seen the article on childhood trauma & how it affects adulthood. And we spill honest, hard, good words.  So thankful.  Then I get a phone call from another friend I rarely see and she tells me I have “been on her heart” and she wants to know how I “really” am.  So, I tell her.  Oh, we’re fine.  That lasted for 5 minutes and then I unload what’s really been going on.  And she tells me her sister is a… wait for it… she’s a therapist who treats kids with PTSD.

  Why consult Google?  Because it’s at your finger tips?  So is God.  

  “And this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, HE HEARS US.” 1 John 5:14

  You have stuff.  I have stuff.  We all have stuff.  If it’s pushed way down deep, or if it feels like it’s choking you; ASK God to see it and help you navigate through it.   And watch for, listen for His answer.

  As for Joseph, I contacted the therapist and we will see.  Right now, I’m going to open up my journal.  A few thank you’s are in order.

  Posted in JANUARY 2018 | 1 Comment | Tagged 1 John 5:14, How the Light Gets In, PTSD, Scars

• New Year, New Word

  Posted at 4:53 pm by How the Light Gets In, on January 14, 2018

  New Year, New Word… Years ago, I gave up the traditional long list of New Years Resolutions and swapped it for the “One Word” project.  This is not my invention but an actual thing.  The “One Word” idea is to give thought to one special word to shape, focus, guide your year.  We do it every January as a family.  We search for a scripture to back it up.  Then, we pull out sharpies of all colors, a pile of 5×7 canvases and command strips.  Our “One Word” time around our table is one of my favorites.

  This year, my word is DISCERNMENT.  Sounds solid, doesn’t it?  I really like it.  I feel like it’s a bold, strong, smart word.  I like the idea of being bold, strong and smart.  My scripture is from Colossians 1:9-10.  I swapped out a few pronouns to make it my prayer for this year.  “I keep asking to be filled with the knowledge of His will through all the wisdom and understanding the Spirit gives, so that I may live a life worthy of the Lord, and please Him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all the power according to His glorious might so I have great endurance and patience.”

  2018, let’s do this:  Knowledge, wisdom, understanding, fruit bearing, growing, endurance and patience.  Yes Yes YES!

  

  “The ability to judge well.”  I need that.  I like that.  I love the idea of taking a breath in before I answer or exhaling before I react.

  And right away, January is testing my word.   But, not how you may think.  I mean, yes, I do have 5 kids.  That alone needs a load of discernment: Is the 15 year old burning the candle at both ends again?  How can I help?  What’s going to trigger Joseph?  There’s the husband.  So, sweet husband, how are we going to handle this week’s athletics, work, commitments and oh yeah, us?  I’m a Wyld Life leader.  How are my middle school friends doing?  Where and how can I be meeting them in their lives?  I’m also a sister, a daughter, a friend.

  But, I didn’t pick the word as a mom.  I felt drawn to the word for me, Andrea, the person.  I want the ability to judge well for me.  Do you know about the Enneagram?  I recently took the test and was rated as a 2, a “Giver.”  Who knew a test could sum me up after 25 minutes of this or that questioning?  But it’s true.  I am a giver, a helper.  I will love you by helping you, driving for you, picking something up for you, etc.  And while that is a nice type of person, certainly one of the sweetest types.  Heehee.  I’m not the best giver to ME.  And that needs some discernment.   Also, this blog, do I keep writing it?  I love writing; truly love it.  And yet, I feel this pull on my heart to be doing something different.  And, I don’t know what it is.  Call in some discernment.

  So, God and I have this good thing going where I keep close to Him through prayer and journaling, etc.  And, He sticks with me.  The other morning I journaled (more like scribbled furiously) how annoyed I was with myself, with this yuck-dissatisfied feeling in my heart.  And I asked God to “bring on Discernment.”  My phone dings to announce an email.  Ready?  Two new emails:  One from “She Reads Truth” offering encouragement in my search for clarity this year.  Wow, ok.  And the other is from Word Press asking, “What is your blog resolution for 2018?”  Can’t make it up.  Ummm, thank you God for sending random mass emails tailored directly to my tangled up heart.   Then I get texts from two friends checking in on me because they “felt me on their hearts.”  Cue the heart eyes emoji.  THEN, I open up my “Jesus Calling” and the reading for the day…

  “When you bring me prayer requests, lay out your concerns before me.  Speak to me candidly, pour out your heart.  Thank me for the answers I have set in motion long before you can DISCERN results.  When your requests come to mind, Thank me for answers already on their way…”  The scriptures for the day come from Exodus 33:14 “My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.”  And John 15:4, “Remain in me as I remain in you.”

  There is something unbelievably mind-blowing about our big, invisible God reaching out from heaven to pat me on the shoulder and encourage me right where I’m at, on the couch, grumpy because I don’t know how to or even want to love myself well.  See how He does it?  Scripture is the obvious way to hear God’s voice.  So, read it, every day; read it.  The more you read, the more familiar God’s voice becomes.  Also, random texts that prove there are no coincidences.  And. my favorite is when God reaches out through my peeps.

  Pray for me, please, to stick to my word.  I know how awesome “steadfast” was for me in 2017.  I look forward to all the ways and people God will use to teach me discernment.  Also, Lily’s word is AAIOIPATPIOIPEAO. May it serve her well.

   

  Posted in JANUARY 2018 | 4 Comments | Tagged 2018, Colossians 1:9-10, Discernment, enneagram, Exodus 33:14, How the Light Gets In, John 15:4, One Word

• Waiting Rooms

  Posted at 11:51 am by How the Light Gets In, on December 24, 2017

  If there was a vote for worst room in a hospital, every time I say it’s the “Waiting Room.”  Waiting is the worst. This time last year, ugh.  This time last year, we had finally gotten into Hopkins, visited with several specialists, had several tests done; all to wait and wait and WAIT.  This December is different.

  I don’t know how I got to be so lucky… to be able to look back while my completely healthy boy sits at my side; but here we are.  I still pinch myself. And Joseph.  With such a miraculous gift of healing I love looking back to see how to keep moving forward.

  A devotional I’ve been reading, launched my perspective for this post.  I’m on Day 55 of “100 Days to Brave.”  {side note: if you don’t know Annie F Downs or her writing, do yourself a favor a pick up one of her books or the devotional!} The title for today is “in the waiting season.”  Again, the wait.  The scripture at the top of the reading says,

  “Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”  

  Psalm 27:14

  David used his writing to encourage you in the wait.  I like that the Bible acknowledges that life is not easy, that waiting is hard.  It makes me feel better that the stars of the Bible had it rough too.  Is that selfish?  Anyways, David’s words are everything; especially if you are waiting.  Be strong, he says.  Let your heart take courage.  Don’t fill your thoughts with deadlines and timelines.  Don’t set your hopes or next move on the “perfect moment” or the right doctor or next month.  Let your heart take courage.  Let it be brave.

  Jesus.  Reading my journal from last year, I see how hard the wait was but how Jesus kept showing up in the wait in so many beautiful and knowing ways.  There is so much comfort in handing over the pain of the unknown, the wait to Jesus.  It might sound weird, but what else have you got while you wait?  Really.  What do you have that’s better; working off the anxiety at the gym, drinking away your worry, hiding from friends, drowning in social events?  I see you.  I am you.  We are all human.  The wait is hard for us all.  And I am telling you, holding your hand and telling you; God has you.  Whatever it is your waiting for; can you invite Jesus into the wait with you?

  The season of Advent is all about the wait. Let your heart take courage. Breathe in deep peace.  Waiting is hard.

  Lucky for you, for me, for all of us; the wait is over.  Jesus is born this night.  Invite him in.

  Merry Christmas.

  Posted in DECEMBER 2017 | 4 Comments | Tagged 100 Days to Brave, Advent, Annie F Downs, Courage, How the Light Gets In, Journal, Psalm 27:14, waiting room

• ‘Tis the Season

  Posted at 3:20 pm by How the Light Gets In, on December 9, 2017

  Tis the Season…

  A Season of Wonder.

  What kind of wonder though?

  There’s a lot of heavy out there in our world with the tweets that never end, faces of starving children in faraway places, news of a friend burying his first son, tension among every color.

  There’s a lot to do out there, crossing off Christmas wish lists, big memories that need to be made, gingerbread making, cookie decorating, party hosting.

  There’s a lot to feel out there in our world; loneliness, pain, regret.

  Do you feel it?

  All that can lead your heart to a different form of wonder; wonder-ing why, wonder-ing how, wonder-ing when.  Then, Christmas becomes a finish line to cross.  Let’s not do Christmas that way, okay?

  Christmas is so much more.  And to make it more, YOU have to let go.  Release the questions, the pain, the anger.  Give it to God.  Right now.  Look up, open your hands and say, “please take this.”  That’s called faith.  And it is hard, I know.  I know.  But, it is so good.  Faith is believing, trusting in the unseen God.

  Faith is the ingredient with the power to change a season of wonder-ing into a Season of Wonder. 

  Look up the book of Luke.  Right now.  This is a bossy blog post.  But, he put a lot of work into his story for us.  Luke says in chapter 1 verses 3-4, he “investigated everything from the very beginning and decided to write an orderly account for you… so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.”  I love that he investigated for us.  Maybe he wondered if his ‘orderly account’ would make faith easier for US to try.

  Now that you’ve read it; Clear out the heavy and make room for a miracle.  I don’t know what your miracle might look like.  I’m happy to pray for it with you, if you like.

  Christmas celebrates one of the sweetest miracles, Jesus’ birth.

  I wonder if that’s why God sent his son as a baby… so we would want to get a closer look?  So we would want to see, hold and love Him.

  I wonder how many times we will watch “Home Alone.”

  I wonder how many times I’ll blubber at Josh Groban singing “O Holy Night.”

  I wonder if you’ll open the story of Luke and open your heart to the miracle of Jesus.

  I love the wonder of it all.

  Posted in DECEMBER 2017 | 2 Comments | Tagged Christmas, How the Light Gets In, Luke 1:3-4, Wonder

• Golden Hoorays

  Posted at 9:33 pm by How the Light Gets In, on November 19, 2017

  Heart breaks offer a gift.  The gift is unique because you have to be willing to open it. I’m glad I took the gift. Now, I offer it to you.  If you are in a good place, tuck the notes away for later.  If you are stuck in a hard spot, let’s open the gift side by side.

  The gift comes when you allow the suffering to sharpen your wounded heart’s perspective. When you decide to, you begin to see and feel how precious time is moment by moment. There’s a word for that moment by moment time approach; and it’s called Kairos.
  I had read an explanation of Kairos vs Chronos a few years ago on momastery.com. But, since life was okie dokie; I “liked” it, even jotted down a few notes on it and then moved on. In a nutshell: Chronos is our scheduled time; the day to day. Yes, Chronos is where we get the term chronological.  And chronos is the hustle that can rob you of the gift, Kairos.

  In one day, I had the honor of being with a friend who does not have much time left to then hosting a “Friendsgiving” celebration for girls who have all the time in the world.  I sat with my friend and slowed my breathing to take in how special it was to just sit with her, clearing out the errands before and the to-do’s ahead, to just be with her.  A few hours later, my house was full of high school sophomore girls celebrating their friendship with a chili, cornbread and dessert feast for Friendsgiving.  Again, I wasn’t thinking ahead to anything.  I refilled sour cream, cleared dishes all while smiling from the inside out.  Heart break and it’s gift of understanding that now is now, led me to this point.

  Now, we celebrate whenever I feel like it.  Because I can.  And so I will. Wanna now how?  I bought this.

  

  It’s just a gold “Hooray.” But I started hanging the banner to celebrate the everyday awesome, Kairos. HOORAY because we are all at the table for dinner. HOORAY because John got straight A’s! HOORAY because Honey didn’t have a nightmare and we got to sleep through the night. Ugh, that should get two banners.

  It takes courage to open the gift.  I’m not the bravest person so I am especially grateful that God gave me the nudge.

  Also, I am no longer looking for the “silver lining” because every moment is a golden, hooray-worthy gift from God.

  Unwrap and enjoy.

   

   

  Posted in NOVEMBER 2017 | 7 Comments | Tagged Chronos, Friendsgiving, Heart break, Hooray, How the Light Gets In, Kairos, momastery.com

• Hyperalgesia

  Posted at 11:39 pm by How the Light Gets In, on November 12, 2017

  Someone asked me what the worst part of Joseph’s illness was this past year.  In the early days of Joseph being sick, he developed “hyperalgesia.”  Essentially, Joseph’s brain had swollen enough to put his senses in overdrive.  This turned out to be a pretty tough side-effect for all of us.  Think about it… the tv was always too loud.  Our dinner conversations would send him into a fit, covering his ears.  Sunlight was too bright.  He was always freezing or burning up.  But the worst? The worst was his hyper-sense of touch.  All I wanted to do was snuggle with him.  But, just putting my hand on his cheek would make him flinch.  When you’re the type that just wants to hug everything better, hyperalgesia is your #1 enemy.

  And one day I read this from 2 Kings 20.  Hezekiah is facing some tough crap when he says to God, “Remember Lord, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.”  And, it goes on to say that Hezekiah “wept bitterly.”  See, this is where I would want to hug Hezekiah.  I love that the scriptures tell of real interactions like this with real feelings.  And here is God’s response…

  “I have heard your prayers.   I have seen your tears.  I will heal you.”

  More than once, I doubted the promise of these words.  I doubted God heard me at all.  I wept bitterly like Hezekiah.  I said out loud, “Hey, I’m good. No more testing please!  I know I can’t handle this anymore!!!”

  But this verse holds promise.  The promise of being seen.  You are seen.  You are heard.  Maybe it doesn’t feel that way.  Maybe you feel like you’re the only one.  So say it.  Say it to God.  You know enough about me to know I have said these words to God a) out loud & angry b) kneeling in tears c) in the car, talking like a looney bird d) with friends surrounding me in prayer e) while eating a lot of chocolate f)all of the above AT THE SAME TIME.

  The living word is a reflection of our living God.  Read it and then look around you to see Him.  Because you will.  And then, you will read this verse from Job 42:5 and know it to be true in your very soul.

  “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.” 

  Hard things in life can make you flinch at the idea of church, religion, God.  My ears have been hearing about a God I can not describe with physical adjectives like height and weight and hair color.  But I have seen Him.  I have seen God.  And I just want to hug Him.

  Posted in NOVEMBER 2017 | 2 Comments | Tagged 2 Kings 20, brain swelling, Hezekiah, How the Light Gets In, hyperalgesia, I have seen your tears, Job 42:5

• Footprints

  Posted at 11:21 am by How the Light Gets In, on October 26, 2017

  I was lucky enough to spend a couple of days in Tucson this past week.  Just me and Jason.  Have you ever been?  Tucson looks like and feels like a different planet.   My time there was everything I needed it to be; quiet, relaxing, delicious, beautiful, and even challenging.

  There was a trail across from our resort and I was determined to hike it.

  And, dang it, I got lost.

  About 40 minutes into a pretty good trek,  I realized I was NOT on the right path.  Also, my water bottle was empty.  Also, I was alone with no cellphone reception.  Also?  I was alone.  No bueno.

  So, I gave myself a super pep talk;  “Well, now you’ve done it Andrea.  We just made it through CRAP and you’re gonna just die here on a dry trail.  You’re amazing.”  This drama was all out loud of course, because there was NO ONE around.

  Didn’t matter what direction I looked, it was all the same dry dirt, funky cactus and hot sun.  I tried going backwards, but an imposing herd of deer stood their ground, not letting me through.  They’re called “mule deer.”  Weirdos totally freaked me out.

  I tried going up but I just kept slipping.   I even stood in the same spot for a while…  You HAVE to know a metaphor is coming, right?  All I saw were the long spikes on the cactus, the dusty, dry dirt, the unstable rocks, the the steep angle dooowwwnn and I could NOT help but think of… me.  The sting of self-doubt, the choking of anxiety, the downward spiral of depression, the instability of emotion – I am this path. This is the most horticulturally-accurate version of my life last year!

  The zig zag, the climb, the not seeing around the bend, ALL OF IT was just so close to home.   And my out-loud conversation continued, “Okay, I see it.  But what’s going to help me now?”  When I looked down, the answer was right there in the dirt.

  

  Footprints.  Seeing all the footprints told me someone had been there before.  

  And sometimes, that’s enough, right?  To know someone has walked that path of pain, loss, victory, growth, is all we need.  The parallel was so sweet so I cried.   And I kept following the footprints.  And I kept crying and thanking God for all of you.

  That’s the power of sharing our stories.  It’s like leaving footprints.  And those footprints, or stories, are so very important.  Your story matters.  My story matters.  They keep us connected.  After all, we belong to each other.  We’re all in this life together.  Keeping with the horticultural theme: maybe you’ve been bumping into a spiky cactus or staring up a steep cliff.  Or maybe, God bless your lucky behind, you are the one sitting back on soft, green grass.  Share your story.  Leave your footprint.

  God treasures stories so much he left His footprints through His own son.  I would be lost without the story of Jesus.  Before Jesus was born, David said in the book of Psalms (16:11) “You make known to me the Path of Life.  You fill me with Joy in your presence.”  Generations later, Paul (who walked with Jesus) says , “You have made known to me the Paths of Life.  You will fill me with joy in your presence.” – Acts 2:28.

  And today, we can say together, “Thank you for our paths.  Help us look for the footprints.  Keep us close God and fill us with joy.”

  Keep walking.  Keep sharing.

  Posted in OCTOBER 2017 | 2 Comments | Tagged Acts 2:28, Cactus, Footprints, How the Light Gets In, Psalm 16:11, Tucson

• Right now…

  Posted at 11:07 am by How the Light Gets In, on October 17, 2017

  One of the reasons I started writing this blog is to share how I’m learning that brokenness can lead to beauty.  Learn-ING.  See that?  I do not have this down but I am try-ING!  Looking for “how the light gets in” sounds poetic and pretty.  But this is work and it can be hard.

  Right now.  I am writing this to encourage my own heart because right now there are so many broken pieces.  Plus, my stupid pain came back but I’m grateful for it.  The hurt refreshed a lesson I learned recently and want to share.  Maybe you can find encouragement in this too.

  John, chapter 11, tells us the story of Lazarus’ death.  Lazarus is Martha and Mary’s brother.  He’s a good friend of Jesus, as are Martha and Mary.  When Lazarus gets very sick, the sisters call for Jesus.  And Jesus shows up, seemingly, too late.  Lazarus is dead.

  Here’s how the two sisters approach Jesus.  Martha goes to Jesus.  She runs to him with her hurt and her questions and her WHY and WHERE WERE YOU and her faith (shaky but still intact faith).  “Lord if you had been here my brother would not have died.”  She’s taking her brokenness to Jesus.  He answers her, “I am the resurrection and the life.  The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.  Do you believe this?”  That’s a loaded answer. So, let’s just look simply at the interaction.  Martha unloads her sadness, frustration, everything to Jesus and HE ANSWERS HER.  Now, Mary is a different story.  Maybe the girl is ticked off.  Her brother is dead.  Jesus did not save him.  And, when Mary hears Jesus is in town she does NOT go to him.  Martha rushes to Mary and says, Jesus is here for you.  Do you have a Martha in your life?  We all need a Martha.   “The Teacher is here and is asking for you,” Martha tells her.  Jesus is close the whole time but needs an invitation into her pain.

  JESUS IS CLOSE THE WHOLE TIME BUT NEEDS AN INVITATION INTO YOUR PAIN.

  Mary took Martha’s nudge and went running to her friend. “She fell at his feet and said, ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.'”  Do you know what Jesus did when he saw her crying?  He cried too.  And then he prayed to his Father.  Oh Jesus is so good.  Jesus then raises Lazarus from the dead.  And while, yes, holy moly that is quite a miracle; the relationships are what make me cry and teach me and encourage me.

  

  I took a lot to Jesus this morning.   I might have even cussed a few times.  There are a lot of broken pieces in this world, in my circle.
  Can I be your Martha right now?

  Jesus is close by and he’s asking for you.

  Jesus is waiting to hear your story.

  And He will cry with you.

  I am grateful for all my Martha’s, my Mary’s and most of all my Jesus.

  Posted in OCTOBER 2017 | 2 Comments | Tagged How the Light Gets In, John 11:38, Lazarus